I think I am finally ready to put write what has been in the back of my mind for a couple weeks now. I was challenged to think of those sources of inspiration who have been the lights on my path in preparing for my personal mission in life. The actual questions were something like:
Think of the best teacher you ever had.
What teacher most inspired you to greatness in your life?
What made him/her/it the greatest teacher in your life?
Was she caring? demanding? Did it move you deeply and passionately and make you want to be great?
As I thought back over my years as a child and youth, I was surprised to see that the people and books that inspired me most had little or nothing to do with personal achievement. I always felt like I had a multitude of talents and could be great at almost anything if I only knew where to focus my efforts. However, I never found that focus. So I drifted through school earning excellent grades, not really knowing what I would do with my life, afraid to tap into new subjects where I might have to really struggle, or even fail for the first time. In the last few years, I have felt some regret that with my opportunities I could have earned a really great education, before the business of family life set upon me. I already knew I could do anything, I just needed someone else to take me aside, confirm what I thought and then lead me on to challenges that would really make me grow. I needed what I now would call a mentor.
Instead, I look back on the influences that were meaningful during those growing years and see that I was given a different gift. One of my favorite books was (and still is) A Little Princess. Each time I read it, I am inspired by Sara who determined to act like a princess, regardless of her circumstances. When beaten by the cook, or sent to work without meals, she would comfort herself with the thought that they would be surprised if they discovered she was a princess after all. Her thoughts led her to hold her head a little higher and be a little kinder, until the day she was rescued. This rescue would not have happened had she not caught the attention of virtual strangers, impressed by some inner quality that radiated from the little girl with nothing to commend her to them.
The other people who meant the most to me were generally adults who took an interest in me as a person. I liked them because they seemed to like me as a person, independent of my grades at school. These were teachers who introduced me to their lives outside the classroom by telling stories of travel, former interests, and their family. I was asked to babysit for two of my favorite teachers and love them to this day for thinking of me, even though I admit I didn't enjoy babysitting. Other great teachers were youth leaders who seemed just as happy to plan an activity for one (me) as for a roomful of kids. At school I was smart; at home I was useful and responsible; with these teachers and leaders I was just myself at a time when I didn't even know who that was.
The gift I have gained through these experiences was not what I expected when starting this assignment. I was initially disappointed with lost opportunities for learning and personal growth, but I realize now my mentors instead set the foundation for me to recognize my self-worth before God. I have known for a long time that God loves me. I know He knows me individually and has a great interest in the affairs of my life because these great women cared to know me an take an interest in my life. Educational opportunities are still before me, if I choose to direct my life in those areas. However, the complete trust I have in God, knowing some sense of my worth before him through these individuals, has been an anchor through some of the most difficult trials of my life which I would not trade for anything.
And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf or misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. (Helaman 5:12)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Where are you going?
Alice: Which way ought I to go from here?
Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where, as long as I get somewhere.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if you only walk long enough!
For the past couple weeks I have been trying so sort my thoughts about the people, books, and experiences that have guided me to where I currently find myself in life. In the process of reading a new book "The Student Whisperer", I was challenged to stop and consider the people and experiences who have inspired me to be my better self and to succeed in my personal life mission.
Maybe part of what I am looking for is what Alice sought in Wonderland. She knew she wanted to arrive somewhere, but had no experience of her own to influence her choice of destination. It has been a gradual process of many years for me to realize that I might have a personal mission that is meaningful and unique to myself. I could see very early in the lives of each of my children that they were dynamic, talented individuals with a purpose in life. I knew as a mother I needed to prepare them to take charge of whatever their missions might be, so I have tried to help them develop personal habits that will form a solid core of faith and virtue as well as education. In the meantime, I have often wondered how different my life would have been had I understood for myself the vision I can see so clearly for them.
Maybe not all missions can be set out upon intentionally. What I mean is, I have known so many wonderful women who truly desired to be mothers. It seemed to be born into them to care for dolls, plan for a future wedding, and think about surrounding themselves with lots of little children to feed, clothe and nurture. However, their many of these same women were limited by no opportunity for marriage, or personal circumstances which made them unable to have the family they had dreamed of. On the other hand, I never saw myself as the mother of a large family. Ask my mother how many times I questioned her own judgment in this matter. I was happy to head off to college, not looking back. I picked my own classes, roommates, activities, with no consideration other than what my friends were doing and whether I would graduate before my scholarship ran out. I wasn't particularly looking for a husband when I returned from a missionary opportunity in Korea. In fact, I thought it would take awhile for me to find anyone I could just be myself with, and even longer to be married. However, less than a year after returning to the US, I was married, back in graduate school, and on the steepest learning curve for personal growth I had ever experienced.
Now, after almost 15 years, I am beginning to think that I have not only found my mission, but am, in fact, smack in the middle of it, preparing children for their own greatness. I am a more selfless person than I used to be, and have a much better recognition of my faults. And I can honestly say, that marriage and motherhood has done more than anything else in my life to make me a better person, and that is one mission I have always known was mine.
Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where, as long as I get somewhere.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if you only walk long enough!
For the past couple weeks I have been trying so sort my thoughts about the people, books, and experiences that have guided me to where I currently find myself in life. In the process of reading a new book "The Student Whisperer", I was challenged to stop and consider the people and experiences who have inspired me to be my better self and to succeed in my personal life mission.
Maybe part of what I am looking for is what Alice sought in Wonderland. She knew she wanted to arrive somewhere, but had no experience of her own to influence her choice of destination. It has been a gradual process of many years for me to realize that I might have a personal mission that is meaningful and unique to myself. I could see very early in the lives of each of my children that they were dynamic, talented individuals with a purpose in life. I knew as a mother I needed to prepare them to take charge of whatever their missions might be, so I have tried to help them develop personal habits that will form a solid core of faith and virtue as well as education. In the meantime, I have often wondered how different my life would have been had I understood for myself the vision I can see so clearly for them.
Maybe not all missions can be set out upon intentionally. What I mean is, I have known so many wonderful women who truly desired to be mothers. It seemed to be born into them to care for dolls, plan for a future wedding, and think about surrounding themselves with lots of little children to feed, clothe and nurture. However, their many of these same women were limited by no opportunity for marriage, or personal circumstances which made them unable to have the family they had dreamed of. On the other hand, I never saw myself as the mother of a large family. Ask my mother how many times I questioned her own judgment in this matter. I was happy to head off to college, not looking back. I picked my own classes, roommates, activities, with no consideration other than what my friends were doing and whether I would graduate before my scholarship ran out. I wasn't particularly looking for a husband when I returned from a missionary opportunity in Korea. In fact, I thought it would take awhile for me to find anyone I could just be myself with, and even longer to be married. However, less than a year after returning to the US, I was married, back in graduate school, and on the steepest learning curve for personal growth I had ever experienced.
Now, after almost 15 years, I am beginning to think that I have not only found my mission, but am, in fact, smack in the middle of it, preparing children for their own greatness. I am a more selfless person than I used to be, and have a much better recognition of my faults. And I can honestly say, that marriage and motherhood has done more than anything else in my life to make me a better person, and that is one mission I have always known was mine.
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