Faith in Action

This is the post I intended to write, but didn't know how to include the details of my birthday boys, which is found under "Happy Birth-day!"

-- "I could never do what you do." --
This is a phrase I have heard repeatedly over the past 10 years, regarding either homeschooling, or having our babies at home. My intention here is not to comment on the very personal choices made within families, but to describe some of the lessons I have learned as my husband and I have tried to exercise faith in following the promptings of the Holy Spirit as it has directed us in specific matters.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we hear a lot about faith. Faith is the first principle of the gospel, preceding repentance and baptism, the youth work on their "Faith in God" award program. It is the first value listed for young women, and Joseph Smith jr. wrote an entire lecture series on the topic. We compare faith to a seed that must be planted, and are cautioned not to be of "little faith".

In my previous post, I referred to Daniel and Michael as two of the most important people in my life (along with my other children). They represent for me lessons in the exercise of faith, which has brought me closer to God, that I could never have understood or applied through more passive teaching methods. I guess its kind of like the mortal experience we needed to have in order to become like our Heavenly Father.

Just over 15 years ago, Daniel and I were married "for time and all eternity". I don't know that I was thinking of faith at the time, other than to have faith that God would let me know if somehow this was NOT the right person to join my life with. I pictured the friendship and love we had begun continuing to develop uninterrupted as we shared the experiences of life together. Since then, I have come to appreciate that my marriage is a gift, not always in the ways I anticipated, but in the ways most needed to develop my faith in God and his plan. At times I have questioned my own judgment and wisdom when faced with disappointment and heartache. Without fail, my heart-felt prayers would be answered with the assurance that God knows me and that my trials were in accordance with His will.

Having said this, I want to emphasize that Daniel is my dearest friend. He has been a true companion, without whom I would be missing the blessings I prize most in my life. He has helped me to understand the atonement in ways I never thought possible, and he has supported me 100% in trying to live gospel principles as I see them, contrary to many traditions of our society. Our decision to have our children at home is one example which I would like to share as an example of faith in action.

The decision to get married and be willing to start a family was based on faith in the Plan of Salvation, that we are Heavenly Father's children. We all existed prior to the creation of the earth, and needed the experience of mortality to learn the lessons that would prepare us for eternity. Part of my responsibility in this plan was to be willing to be the means of allowing other spirit children the same opportunity for life that my parents had given me. God's children would all be born, according to His plan, whether in my family or elsewhere. Daniel and I decided to leave the placement and timing of any children He chose to send to us in His hands, knowing that large or small, God would ultimately provide the means to allow us to care for any children we had the faith to accept.

Our first child was born in a hospital. We followed all the protocols for pre-natal care and check-ups dictated by insurance and the doctor's office. At the end of 9 months, we knew it was time to go to the hospital after my water broke and contractions started. Looking back, I feel blessed with the circumstances we had there. The birth room was comfortable and appealing, the nurses were kind and supportive, my doctor happened to be unavailable (of course), but we had plenty of people to tell us what to do and when to do it. Knowing nothing ourselves, this was probably best. However, something about the experience left me feeling angry, violated, and extremely dissatisfied, despite a healthy beautiful baby. Both Daniel and I determined that we needed to look for alternatives for the future, and take more responsibility for understanding our choices and what we could do.

The next time around, we hired a midwife and planned a home birth. We still knew little, but I studied available resources from the library and felt comfortable with our decision. When contractions started late one night, neither of us thought birth was imminent, but I recognized the intensity and went to relax in the tub while Daniel called the midwife to come, just in case. As the situation became more intense, we just followed what seemed right while waiting for the "expert" to arrive and take over with her training. The baby arrived much sooner than she did, so we wrapped both of us up with a blanket and I lay down to wait for her to arrive. When she did, she checked me and the baby. We were both fine. In that situation, Daniel and I felt like we were guided by the Spirit, or unseen angels to know what to do. Instead of resentment and depression, I was filled with gratitude that we were home, prepared to do what was needed until help arrived, rather than rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night and giving birth before we could get there.

By the time our third child was expected, we were in a new city with a new midwife. Because of our previous experiences, we explained that she needed to come as quickly as possible when we called, and asked for guidance in knowing what circumstances would indicate going to the hospital before she might arrive. She also recommended a nutritional green supplement to support my body. We called it "miracle grow" when this child was over a pound heavier at birth than his older brothers had been. In this case also, the midwife was delayed and Daniel was the proud father who first welcomed our little boy to the world. Most interesting to me in this case was how the midwife supplemented my faith with her own. She mentioned that she had missed only 1% of the hundreds of births she had attended. In every case, she felt that the experience was given to the couple for some reason. She had prayed for our well-being as she drove (through a blinding storm) and felt comforted that all would be well. It was, and our choice to exercise faith in the promptings of the Spirit was confirmed.

By the time our fourth child was expected, I thought we pretty much knew what to expect. We continued to learn from our pre-natal visits, asking for as much information as necessary to help in the case that we were again delivering a baby without assistance. I continued nutrition supplements, and started implementing healthier eating patterns for my family based on what I was learning. Several weeks before the due date, I began to have some irritating symptoms. I remembered having them with the first two pregnancies and being dismissed by the doctor as just normal irritations that would go away after the birth of the baby. No longer content to walk blindly, I started researching on the computer and found that my liver was being stressed by the dual load of caring for mother and baby. Normally treated with pharmaceuticals to alleviate symptoms (but not the cause), I found a woman who reported reversing the condition naturally by focusing on her diet and intake of distilled water. I felt like I had my answer. Within 24 hours of acting on what I had learned, my symptoms reversed and did not return. My knowledge continued to grow and I felt the Lord was blessing us for exercising faith in Him and acting on the resources placed before us. (By the way, the midwife arrived in time to catch the baby.)

Emery was our 5th little baby. We were expecting her, but in the years between her birth and that of her older sister, I studied to be a Master Herbalist. In addition to my increased knowledge of diet and herbal supplements, I was given a list of protocols from another master herbalist midwife, which she required her clients to follow if they wanted a home birth. As they were consistent with other things I had learned, including the Word of Wisdom, I added her recommendations to the changes I had already made. I also purchased and read "Holistic Midwifery" which is a textbook for midwives which covers prenatal care. I will also mention that in this one case, the midwife was ready and waiting. We called her in the morning to let her know labor had started, but on my end, it was just poor timing for a baby. We had guests, Daniel really needed to go to work, and my mom hadn't yet arrived to take care of the siblings. Contractions slowed, I sent Daniel to work, and the midwife said she would just hang out within reach so we could call her when needed. That night, after the guests had gone, kids were sleeping, and my mom was there, the midwife came back. I finally went to lie down while the other adults visited in the front room. After that, things proceeded as normal. I let Daniel know when the contractions were strong enough that I wanted to relax in the tub. He waited on me and with me. The midwife did one check to see how I was progressing, and she was there to catch the baby soon afterward.

I really didn't know if we would have any more children after that. We moved to Arizona which has different licensing laws for midwives, making the possibility of an assisted home birth in my area extremely unlikely. When we realized the Lord wasn't done adding to our family, it took real faith to accept that we might be unassisted, and to realize that if we continued to follow the promptings we had in Utah that home was a better setting for me than a hospital, that the Lord had prepared us with the experiences to safely exercise that option. We did consider a woman who had helped many other women with home births in our area, but I didn't feel comfortable with what I had heard, and felt that diligently preparing and trusting the Lord was the option that felt best for us. In addition to our previous resources, we acquired volume 2 of "Holistic Midwifery", which provides detailed information on labor and delivery. In reading this tome I was humbled and awed by the miracle of the birth process as designed by our Creator. I knew that if I did everything I could to prepare for a healthy and safe birth, the baby would do his part and the Lord would provide any other assistance we might need. In this case our assistance came from my mother, who took our children to her house for the day, and a good friend who came to help as needed. Her role ultimately involved making herbal teas and congratulating us on a beautiful baby boy when she was introduced to him.

Since then, we have added two additional boys, following the same pattern of putting faith in action. We understand that children are a gift from God. He is vitally concerned with their well-being, as he is with my own. He provides promptings that may lead us to make choices contrary to the traditions and wisdom of those around us. As we trust His wisdom and guidance, we are taught line by line, and precept by precept, here a little and there a little. We are given opportunities to act on the information we receive and turn our faith in small things into the capacity to do great (or humbling) things. We grow in the knowledge that God is mindful of us, and that we can rely on Him to lead us safely through all things he sees fit to try us with.

My purpose in writing these experiences is to acknowledge that God lives. He does guide us in the choices we make, and that he sometimes leads us to do "hard things" because he knows the experience will help us grow. I know my circumstances are not the same as those faced by others who will read this. My hope is that as each of us puts our faith into action, in whatever way we are guided, we will be able to teach one another by our experiences and example how to bring the power of God more actively into our lives.

Happy Birth-day!

October 1, 2011 -
Happy birthday to two of the most important people in my life: my husband, Daniel Robert, and our newest little boy, Michael Alexander.

I have to smile a bit to think of how Daniel has spent his special day. (Now that I think of it, I am reminded of my Mother's Day comforting and cuddling a two-year old with infected teeth.) I woke Daniel around 3am to tell him that his birthday might be a little different than planned. He had only been sleeping a couple hours - who needs to go to be early when the next day is yours to spend as you wish, right? I hated to wake him, but he needed fair warning that I was having contractions that woke me up and he might be needed before the night was over. Within an hour, he was up with me getting supplies in place and warming the tub, just in case our baby decided to show up for the birthday events.

From that time on, Daniel has cleaned the bathroom, made me the juice and teas I needed for labor, assisted as my birth attendant, cleaned up, cared for kids, done laundry, nursed a headache, fixed meals, contacted friends and family about the new baby, and cancelled his plans for the ice cream social scheduled for after Priesthood session of conference tonight, and sneaked in a nap this afternoon while the little boys were also napping.

My other birthday boy, Michael Alexander, joined the party at 4:41am. Labor is never a fun experience, but the contractions were manageable, relatively short, and spaced enough that I could rest between. Pushing was also efficient and fast. Daniel announced we had a beautiful boy, and I just sat on the floor and held him. He had no problems breathing, we left the cord attached until it stopped pulsing so he could have as much of the placental blood as his body wanted, and we discussed names.

Since then, he has been eating and resting just fine. The kids all love their baby brother, and we are excited to get better acquainted as the year progresses. (Mom also feels fine - but this post isn't about me!)