Last week I touched on "vision" with my notes on attitude, so I'm not sure how much more I will say on the topic. Maybe this, while I don't feel it is my place to impose my vision over what God has in mind for my life, I do feel the need to seek God's direction to discover my role in mortality and then use this knowledge as the vision to shape my goals.
The power of this kind of vision was illustrated for me today. Jared was sharing what he had learned while he was at church today, and mentioned wanting to look up the reasons why the "sons of Mosiah" went on a mission to the Lamanites. Here is what he found:
"That perhaps they might bring them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and convince them of the iniquity of their fathers; and that perhaps they might cure them of their hatred towards the Nephites, that they might also be brought to rejoice in the Lord their God, that they might be friendly to one another, and that there should be no more contentions in all the land which the Lord their God had given them." (Alma 28:2)
That vision sounds a lot like "peace on Earth, goodwill toward men." No wonder they were willing to submit to so much affliction-- there was a lot at stake!
Without a clear vision of what we are doing and possibly why it is important, enduring through difficulties doesn't make much sense.
I think what I am describing here is also what I would refer to as "Faith". In the Sixth Lecture on Faith, I read this:
"...we next proceed to treat of the knowledge which persons must have, that the course of life which they pursue is according to the will of God, in order that they may be enabled to exercise faith in him unto life and salvation.
...An actual knowledge to any person that the course of life which he pursues is according to the will of God, is essentially necessary to enable him to have that confidence in God, without which no person can obtain eternal life. It was this that enabled the ancient saints to endure all their afflictions and persecutions, and to take joyfully the spoiling of their goods, knowing, (not believing merely,) that they had a more enduring substance
...Such was and always will be the situation of the saints of God, that unless they have an actual knowledge that the course that they are pursuing is according to the will of God, they will grow weary in their minds and faint..."
Now, back to my 90-day Challenge update (for anyone who is following along), this week I missed a couple days of sending progress. Part of my daily checklist is to read related books, listen to CDs, and watch a video clip. By the time Friday and Saturday came, I just got involved with other family projects. My reading and watching were not directly related to the challenge, and I didn't prioritize setting up the laptop where I could listen while I worked on other things. I guess it is kind of like the vision thing I started talking about. If I am not sure that the activities scheduled are really going to get me to my goal, it is much easier to miss them occasionally. Right now I feel like the assigned materials are geared toward sales, and that isn't where my passion lies. Still, I plan to continue, looking toward the end goal of teaching a class by the end of March.
This week's resolution is "to have a positive attitude in all situations". Based an my initial assessment, this is something I need to work on. Based on my reading, this is something I need to work on. The problem I have is that depending on how you frame "positive attitude", I'm not sure I really want to change.
Much of the reading I have done describes this positive attitude as some kind of "fake it 'til you make it" psychology. It involves envisioning yet-to-be accomplished goals, achieved possessions, and lifestyle options; or approaching each prospective sales call as if the sale is already made. I remember some skit from long ago when a person would stare in the mirror each morning and say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." This is not the direction I want to take with achieving my life's purpose.
When I first started looking into the materials for the Life Leadership business, I saw a lot of references to envisioning the life you want to live, making visual reminders of your dream car, house, vacation, and lifestyle. Each day, there was to be time spent connecting with that dream to stay focused and do the work necessary to make it happen. I was a little uncomfortable with the focus on material things, and the methods were more about "my will" than "thy will be done". This concern was pounded home when I picked up a book from a friend called "Isaiah Decoded" and immediately started reading about the sin of IDOLATRY. I don't know what else to call it. Even Alma warned about setting our hearts on a course that might be well-intentioned, but uninspired.
O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. (Alma 29:1-2)
What could possibly be wrong with a desire like this? Peace on Earth, missionary work, bringing souls unto Christ. And yet he continues:
But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.
I ought not to harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction.(Alma 29:3-4)
Now, seeing that I know these things, why should I desire more than to perform the work to which I have been called? (Alma 29:6)
The other concern I have with solely focusing on the positive is that there are usually real concerns that ought to be recognized so they can be planned for and worked with. I think it was the book "Quiet" that talked about introverts and extroverts. (I might be wrong about the source of this idea, but its a good book anyway.) There is a certain portion of any population that approaches life differently, that eats and sleeps with its senses alert for possible danger. These "pessimists" provide an early warning when danger approaches - at the risk of a false alarm. They recognize risk and try to mitigate it, or avoid it. However, they pay a price in not being first to the scene of opportunity.
Having put my concerns first, I will say that I agree with the need to improve my attitude in all situations. This is not about positive affirmations so much as identifying my thought patterns better. Some of the things I have been reading and watching recently put a focus on awareness of my thought patterns. What are my thoughts saying as they comment to me about myself and others? Do I expect to be disappointed or to disappoint others when completing tasks? Do I attribute positive or negative motives to the things people do that might cause me inconvenience or even harm? When I am faced with a task I haven't chosen freely, do I decide to get the most out of it, or mentally grumble at the effort required?
I have started being able to laugh at some of the crazy things life throws at me and just call them "journal moments". I have found that some of the hardest things I have faced in life have given me greater compassion and maturity, so I have learned to start looking for the blessings in trials. I like being able to turn the negative channel in my thinking to "off". I've heard there is nothing in this life so bad that complaining about it won't make it worse. In all of these areas I see room for personal improvement.
Being alive is a blessing. I love my life. However, it is hard sometimes. I have heard that God will not give us one minute more pain than is necessary for the development we need to become like him. For me, having a positive attitude means recognizing there is a purpose to what I experience in life. If I remember to let God accompany me on my journey, he can share the ups and downs, he can point out blessings along the way. It is pointless for me to blame others for my grief and suffering if God has allowed me a particular experience. A positive attitude tells me "this too shall pass."
This week the focus of my 90 day challenge is "Character: Resolved to Choose Character over Reputation Any Time They Conflict". I've had a lot to ponder on this topic, and I'm not sure whether it will translate well into words yet.
The "Resolved" book defines integrity as "not doing wrong". A person who never lies, never cheats, and never steals could be said to have integrity, and the world would certainly be a much better place if everyone would live by this simple code of honor. However, it says character goes a step farther, it requires the courage to do what is right. A person with character will not sit idle when others are acting wrongly. Character requires courage to speak or act for what is right even when it may create conflict with others. Here is a quote from the book:
"Character demands courageous actions, and courage is the virtue most lacking in today's culture. Most people would rather have peace and affluence, minding their own business, than stand against oppression, especially if the oppression is not directed at them." (p. 55)
I'm going to be completely vulnerable here. I love reading about people with character. Their courageous examples are powerful forces of good in the world. (Think of Gandhi, George Washington, Martin Luther, and his namesake Martin Luther King Jr. as a few examples.) However, I find it extremely difficult to get out of my comfort/safety zone and do more than just read - to actually do good things in the world. "Courage is a person's choice to get involved in defending his highest principles, even when his own personal interest isn't what is at stake." (Resolved, p.56) These don't even have to be anything newsworthy. I could visit my elderly neighbors, I could get off the computer and read books with my kids (that's more my speed), I could identify local issues and get involved in trying to find solutions instead of sitting around complaining.
To be fair, here are some of the areas where I have found myself taking a stand on unpopular issues. 1) this (school) year I addressed the school board about home school student issues that were not handled well; 2) I have tried to advocate in favor of thinking of Muslims as people like ourselves when I hear derogatory stereotypes from people I am talking with; and 3) I went to visit people we knew after hearing of their excommunication. As a result we have become better friends, benefiting both families.
Another area of my life where I see the need for greater courage is in getting my Family Life Education hours by getting out into the community and teaching. I have a lot of book knowledge, and a fair amount of personal experience, but I have a hard time putting my services out to a public setting where I might be criticized or upset people by telling them things that contradict their current beliefs.
Whether I call it courage or character, acting according to my principles, regardless of the opinion of others is an area of my life where I would like to improve.this year. As long as I am easily swayed or kept silent by my fears, I cannot be a reliable tool in God's hands to bless his children and become what He intends me to become.
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Updated Jan 11, 2016
I used the definitions of integrity and character that were given in the book "Resolved" without feeling totally settled about my agreement with the definitions.
This morning I was reading "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen M. R. Covey. My personal definitions are closer to those explained in the chapter about Self-Trust, Core #1-Integrity. While I haven't finished the book yet, i would recommend it to anyone who has some time and is interested in book to spark new ideas for personal growth.
This post is called "Resolved" because it seems to tie together several themes, and I really don't know how else to begin blogging again other than to just start writing and see what happens.
Theme #1: New Year Resolutions. January is a time when most people think about goals and self improvement. Since I am in the middle of some self-improvement projects, this seems a good time to put them on paper to see where I am going and how I plan to get there.
Last summer I started looking at options for continuing education and updating my resume. I spent the summer studying for a Family Life Educator certificate, and passed the exam. Now I have 5 years to get some work hours so I can upgrade my status from provisional to fully certified. I don't really have any intention to find full or even part time employment. Part of my motivation was realizing that even with a Master's degree, I am so far out of the employment loop that I would be hard-pressed to use my skills professionally if something ever kept Daniel from being our family's financial provider. The other part of my motivation was the feeling that my education has primarily blessed me in negotiating difficult family situations, but I am not really in a place where my education is used to help anyone else. I spend most of my time at home with my kids. If I really want to serve, I need to create opportunities that put me in a wider context, otherwise the light (of truth and experience) is hiding under my proverbial basket.
Theme #2: Resolved (the book). I started reading a book last week called "Resolved", it is part of a much longer story. I recently became involved with a leadership organization group/business that a friend is working in. As I previously mentioned, I don't really want to get a job, but I do like knowing all about things that interest me. My friend has been telling me about the personal growth she and her husband have seen in their lives and business and how they would sometime like to replace their current employment situation with what they are now doing part time. Since I know people who are struggling financially and in their personal lives, I thought it would be good to know more about what their business involves so I could make recommendations if I met someone looking for those types of improvement.
Since then, I have been reading and listening to tapes borrowed from my friend on a nearly constant basis. The areas of self-improvement overlap my family-life background (personal finance, marriage, parenting, etc,), so I wanted to know whether their material would be something I could feel good recommending. I have gone over the Financial Fitness information and am slowly working to apply what I have read in my own budget. Next, I started the Mental Fitness Challenge. The point of this program is to focus on personal development in specific areas of my life, starting first with personal achievements and eventually learning how to be a leader in more public arenas (such as my Family Life Education). Each day I read, listen, and do something directed toward accomplishing the goal I have selected. I have partners that are notified when I meet my daily goals. "Resolved" is the first book, and the first week is focused on helping me discover my purpose, something that inspires me to help others and is centered on my specific talents and interests. The first chapter sparked me to read "A Purpose Driven Life" and "Man's Search for Meaning". (This wasn't assigned reading, I just like to read and happened to have the books on my shelf.)
The challenge lasts for 90 days and covers 13 different resolutions, one per week. By the end of the challenge, I hope to have strengthened some of the areas I am weak in, and to be better at applying my unique strengths in overcoming challenges and meeting personal goals.
