Several months ago, I started a scripture word search on the terms "test", "try", "prove", and "refine". Here is a sample of what I found:
Prove: establish the genuineness and validity of...; subject to a testing process; show one's abilities.
"...for the Lord your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul." Deut.13:3
Refine: to free from impurities or defects; make or become more polished or elegant or cultured; make or become more subtle or delicate in feelings
"And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried; they shall call on my name, and I will hear them; I will say, It is my people; and they shall say, The Lord is my God." Zechariah 13:9
Test: a critical examination or trial of a person/thing's qualities
(TRY) "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea he trieth their patience and their faith." Mosiah 23:21
Trial: a process or mode of testing qualities, a preliminary contest to test the abilities of players eligible for selection to a team.
"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the firey trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers in Christ's sufferings, that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."
1 Peter 4:12-13
One of the big questions presented in life has to do with injustice. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I used to believe that keeping the commandments was the safe path, meaning, the way to avoid the most pain and to qualify for the most help with my problems. I don't really believe that anymore. I also used to believe that the test in life was to see if I could keep all the commandments, to endure to the end (without making any major mistakes). I don't believe that anymore either. That kind of thinking led to a lot of pain when my "correct" answers did very little to solve the real life problems I was facing. A closer examination of scripture, such as the sample at the beginning of this post led me to a different concept -- God is providing the circumstances where I can be tried and proved for qualities that can not be demonstrated any other way. The trial is an opportunity for my heart to be known. When the day of judgment comes, I will be able to look at my life, the fires I faced, and my response to them. Then I will agree that God's judgment is just. Here in mortality, I will be tested sufficiently to leave no doubt as to the measure of my spiritual abilities and the appropriate placement in His kingdom.
This idea really hit home this morning in church. I remembered something Jared told me yesterday that applies to this test of mortality and the trials that we are each involved in. Earlier in the week, Jared took an Arabic oral proficiency exam. He was warned ahead of time that the test was designed to push him to the limits of his ability, to prove exactly what he could do and what he knew. The students were warned that they would leave feeling they had failed, being asked to perform beyond their ability. Jared, however, found the test rather simple. He was asked about regular things, like family and daily life. He felt surprisingly successful as he left the interview. However, when the scores came out, he was disappointed to be ranked "intermediate-advanced", rather than "advanced-beginning" or "advanced-intermediate", since the program is intended to take the students to an "advanced" language level. He wished the interviewer had not underestimated him, so that he could have shown what he was really capable of, what he has spent so many months preparing for.
Fortunately, Jared will have other opportunities to prove himself. He has worked hard, and continues to work toward his language and other personal goals. Unlike the final Judgment Day, this test does not determine his future placement and opportunities. I am grateful for the perspective his experience has given me of the huge disappointment that can come when the test is too easy. I am again grateful for the trials I have experienced. I have grown and I have seen where I still need to grow. God is merciful, even as he is just. I am thankful for opportunities that will leave me without doubt when my "score" is given.
Just something to think about.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Likening Isaiah
I might get myself in trouble for this, but after a few weeks of not writing, this is what has come to mind - likening Isaiah unto myself.
If you haven't listened to the LDS gospel library narration of the scriptures, I would strongly recommend it. I have found over the last few weeks that passages from the Old Testament that are rather hard to comprehend when reading make beautiful impressions (like poetry) when listened to. The book of Psalms is a beautiful illustration of a heart that is dependent on the Lord that I would like to emulate. On the other hand, the book of Isaiah is a stern call to repentance.
Nephi put it this way:
The second thing is that he read for the intent that they would profit and learn by the experience. He did this by likening them unto his situation, or in other words, treating the messages as though they were meant for him and his family to act on. Now I don't really see God sending prophets and recording scripture with the intent to tell people they are awesome, so the repentance part is what needs to be applied. That means looking at the call to repent as more than just a warning that other people (who were obviously more wicked than I am) were eventually destroyed because they didn't repent when warned. If I treat everything as a warning to me, I might be able to identify areas of personal improvement.
With that background, here is what happened when I turned on Isaiah chapter 1 this morning.
From verse 2, this is a message from the Lord, lamenting that he has nourished and brought up children that have rebelled against him. (I guess that might apply to me, since I have been nourished by the good word of God, and brought up in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Okay, Isaiah has my attention.)
From verse 3, the ox and ass know their owner and how they are fed, but Israel does not know, they don't even consider. (To me, this sounds like a call to really know God better, not just assume knowing about him is sufficient.)
Verse 4 identifies the target audience as "laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters; they have forsaken the Lord, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward." (Okay, at this point I am inclined to hope he isn't really talking about me, but what if he is? Laman and Lemuel thought the people in Jerusalem were righteous just before the destruction from Babylon, the priests of Christ's day thought they were doing well when they took his life to stabilize the status quo. It doesn't hurt to assume I might not be doing as well as I think either.)
From verses 5 and 6, "Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more; the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores; they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment." (This situation seems pretty hopeless. This is the end game, there doesn't seem like much to save. No wonder people didn't believe true prophets back then. Social science shows that we judge ourselves on our good intentions and others by what they actually do. Is the Lord really saying that we are so far gone that we don't even see how much we need to be healed? I can understand that no one would stand for radical medical treatment if they didn't believe it was necessary. They would reject the help, considering it to be an attack instead.)
Verses 7-9 seem to be a prophecy of things to come because our country is not yet desolate, our cities are not burned with fire, nor are we devoured and overthrown by strangers. It also appears there will be a small hope, which rests in the "daughter of Zion" that is left in the midst of the desolation. Without this "remnant", the desolation would be complete. (For me, this is a reason to hope. The remnant daughter of Zion may not be identified until after the destruction, but there is still hopefully time to repent and be numbered with that remnant. I don't believe membership in any particular organized group is sufficient to be considered part of the remnant. Only by complying individually with what the Lord expects can I have any hope of being preserved when the whole body/nation is pretty much beyond repair.)
From verses 9-10 the group (which I am likening unto whatever group I belong to) is compared to Sodom and Gomorrah. Now the rulers and people are told to pay attention to the word of the Lord and the law of our God.
At this point in the post, I would remind any readers that anything I write on my blog is the result of my own thoughts at the time I write. The next set of impressions that came as I was listening this morning will be applied to my religion because that is the one I know and can relate to. I would caution anyone who would not want to read possible interpretations of what God may object to in our religious worship to stop reading now, or to skip to a dividing section line that looks like this:
______________________________________________________________
Verses 11 and 12 seem to apply most closely to temple worship. Why do I believe this? Because it refers to sacrifices and burnt offerings. These were offered at the temple. While the sacrifice of our animals is not part of temple worship today, we are commanded to sacrifice. The first question asked is "To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the Lord" He is "full of the burnt offerings", and "delight[s] not in the blood of bullocks. or of lambs, or of he goats." (So what is the purpose of the MULTITUDE of our sacrifices? Does the Lord really require us to go to the temple as often as possible? I don't have an answer, but it is a thought-provoking question.) The next question echoes this idea with "When ye come to appear before me, who hath required this at your hand, to tread my courts?" (I firmly believe the Lord does want us to appear before Him, he wants us to know him personally and walk with Him daily. The question then appears to be WHO REQUIRES us to "tread his courts"? As I continue to think about this, I feel more that his objection is not that we have certain places where we go to draw near to him, but the idea that going somewhere specific is necessary to walk with him. It isn't. He wants to be with us day by day, hour by hour, not simply on special occasions when we have removed ourselves from our daily living.)
Verse 13 continues with the religious concerns, but not necessarily in a temple setting. "Bring no more vain oblations..." (This one I thought meant something like pointless offerings, the dictionary seems to confirm this idea. Vain can be used as useless, pointless, futile, and producing no result. Oblations are things offered to God.) "Incense is an abomination unto me..." (I usually think of prayer when incense in mentioned.) "The new moons and sabbaths,..." (New moons happen once a month, so I think of fast Sunday, sabbaths are weekly, so that is how I spend my Sundays.) "The calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting." (That might be conferences at any level of organization, whether ward, stake, regional, or general. It might also be ward or youth activities, since I have been more involved in the planning of those than conference meetings. Why not throw in presidency meetings too? My best guess for "solemn meeting" might be sacrament meeting,since it is the most important meeting we attend.)
Verse 14 hits the subject again. "Your new moons (fast Sundays) and your appointed feasts (Christmas and Easter?) my soul hateth; they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them." (There are probably many people who would agree with this sentiment, at least some weeks. It would take a lot of nerve to say that publicly, though.)
Verse 15 and 16, "And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;" (Well, the most I can say after everything that has already been said is that the Lord doesn't want to embrace dirty kids any more than I do. Wash up, make things right, then we can talk.)
Verse 17 is the contrast showing what he WANTS us to be doing instead of what we have been doing. "Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow." (That sounds a bit like James 1:27, "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." I admit, I have been much better at attending the temple, and church meetings than I have at seeking out people who need comfort and aid.)
This has been hard to write. The question it leads me to ask is: Is it possible that God is unimpressed by our formal meetings and frequency of temple worship when there are still so many people in need of care. I love the emphasis from Women's Conference on finding a way, individually, to reach out to refugees. To my understanding, that is what is needed before we start planning for mansions in the next life.
___________________________________________________________
Welcome back. In verse 18 we get the good news, the invitation to repent. It isn't too late.
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Thank heaven! There is still hope if we repent and return to God. The previously described destruction might averted, and we can be among the remnant that is prepared to meet Christ.)
Verses 19 and 20 repeat the conditions of reprieve. "If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (This isn't just Isaiah's imagination or the product of some internet conspiracy theorists. THE LORD hath spoken it!)
The next part of the chapter seems to deal more with the political aspects of the country. In verse 21 the faithful city is become a harlot; where once lodged judgment and righteousness, now reside murderers. (I think this could easily enough refer to the center of our national government, although the comparison may extend to cities throughout the country.)
Verse 22, "Thy silver is become dross (worthless, like rubbish), thy wine mixed with water." (I think that is a pretty exact description of our fiat money supply.)
Verse 23 describes a stereotypical politician: "Thy princes are rebellious, and companions of thieves: every one loveth gifts, and followeth after rewards; they judge not the fatherless, neither doth the cause of the widow come unto them."
We got ourselves into this mess, so what will happen now? "Therefore saith the Lord, the Lord of hosts, the mighty One of Israel, Ah, I will ease me of mine adversaries, and avenge me of mine enemies." (Great, if the description of the country fits, we are now God's enemies and adversaries. I know how that story ends.)
First the punishment in verse 25, "And I will turn my hand upon thee, and purely purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin." (At the very least, our money will be as worthless to us as it really is. Bye Bye prosperity.)
Then to complete the story, "I will restore thy judges as at the first, and thy counsellors as at the beginning; afterward thou shalt be called, The city of righteousness, the faithful city. (That sounds good.) Zion shall be redeemed with judgment, and her converts with righteousness." (So this takes place at a time when the remnant daughter of Zion from verse 8 and 9 has grown and others have converted to her ways.)
The bad guys also get a final nod: "And the destruction of the transgressors and of the sinners shall be together, and they that forsake the Lord shall be consumed. For they shall be ashamed of the oaks which ye have desired, and ye shall be confounded for the gardens that ye have chosen. For ye shall be as an oak whose leaf fadeth, and as a garden that hath no water." (I don't know why the shift into garden metaphors here, but here is what I found. In 2004, the US Congress passed a bill naming the oak as the official tree of the United States. The oak is s symbol of strength and longevity. People look to it for protection and it was the meeting place of druids and witches. They are slow to mature, but can live for over 1000 years. I think the reference to oaks has to do with a desire to trust in outward power and strength. However, the oak leaf will fade, and the ornamental garden will dry up. Confounded means to be suddenly surprised by unexpected events.)
At the end of it all, "The strong shall be as tow (dry straw for starting fires), and the maker of it as a spark, and they shall both burn together, and none shall quench them." (That's how it ends. There is no middle ground, only people who repent, and those who have desired to become oaks and have trusted in oaks. They will be burned.)
This has been an amazingly educational exercise. I had no idea when I started how hard it would be to actually commit my thoughts into writing with the knowledge that someone might read it some day and be incredibly offended at my plain text interpretations of what Isaiah might be saying to someone in my shoes. I understand better why Laman and Lemuel were so offended at Nephi. He was using the same source, doing the same thing I am, except he really had a vision of things to come and wasn't just guessing.
I guess the only thing I have left to say is a warning. If you search Isaiah (as Christ told us to) and liken the scriptures unto yourself (as Nephi did), you might come to some pretty out of the box interpretations.
If you haven't listened to the LDS gospel library narration of the scriptures, I would strongly recommend it. I have found over the last few weeks that passages from the Old Testament that are rather hard to comprehend when reading make beautiful impressions (like poetry) when listened to. The book of Psalms is a beautiful illustration of a heart that is dependent on the Lord that I would like to emulate. On the other hand, the book of Isaiah is a stern call to repentance.
Nephi put it this way:
Nephi didn't just tell them what to read, he read it to them. The interesting thing to me, is that I have learned far more from reading Isaiah aloud to my young children and from hearing it read by the gospel library narrator than I have from reading it myself or reading commentaries. Maybe Nephi is on to something!And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning. (1 Nephi 19:23)
The second thing is that he read for the intent that they would profit and learn by the experience. He did this by likening them unto his situation, or in other words, treating the messages as though they were meant for him and his family to act on. Now I don't really see God sending prophets and recording scripture with the intent to tell people they are awesome, so the repentance part is what needs to be applied. That means looking at the call to repent as more than just a warning that other people (who were obviously more wicked than I am) were eventually destroyed because they didn't repent when warned. If I treat everything as a warning to me, I might be able to identify areas of personal improvement.
With that background, here is what happened when I turned on Isaiah chapter 1 this morning.
From verse 2, this is a message from the Lord, lamenting that he has nourished and brought up children that have rebelled against him. (I guess that might apply to me, since I have been nourished by the good word of God, and brought up in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Okay, Isaiah has my attention.)
From verse 3, the ox and ass know their owner and how they are fed, but Israel does not know, they don't even consider. (To me, this sounds like a call to really know God better, not just assume knowing about him is sufficient.)
Verse 4 identifies the target audience as "laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters; they have forsaken the Lord, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward." (Okay, at this point I am inclined to hope he isn't really talking about me, but what if he is? Laman and Lemuel thought the people in Jerusalem were righteous just before the destruction from Babylon, the priests of Christ's day thought they were doing well when they took his life to stabilize the status quo. It doesn't hurt to assume I might not be doing as well as I think either.)
From verses 5 and 6, "Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more; the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores; they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment." (This situation seems pretty hopeless. This is the end game, there doesn't seem like much to save. No wonder people didn't believe true prophets back then. Social science shows that we judge ourselves on our good intentions and others by what they actually do. Is the Lord really saying that we are so far gone that we don't even see how much we need to be healed? I can understand that no one would stand for radical medical treatment if they didn't believe it was necessary. They would reject the help, considering it to be an attack instead.)
Verses 7-9 seem to be a prophecy of things to come because our country is not yet desolate, our cities are not burned with fire, nor are we devoured and overthrown by strangers. It also appears there will be a small hope, which rests in the "daughter of Zion" that is left in the midst of the desolation. Without this "remnant", the desolation would be complete. (For me, this is a reason to hope. The remnant daughter of Zion may not be identified until after the destruction, but there is still hopefully time to repent and be numbered with that remnant. I don't believe membership in any particular organized group is sufficient to be considered part of the remnant. Only by complying individually with what the Lord expects can I have any hope of being preserved when the whole body/nation is pretty much beyond repair.)
From verses 9-10 the group (which I am likening unto whatever group I belong to) is compared to Sodom and Gomorrah. Now the rulers and people are told to pay attention to the word of the Lord and the law of our God.
At this point in the post, I would remind any readers that anything I write on my blog is the result of my own thoughts at the time I write. The next set of impressions that came as I was listening this morning will be applied to my religion because that is the one I know and can relate to. I would caution anyone who would not want to read possible interpretations of what God may object to in our religious worship to stop reading now, or to skip to a dividing section line that looks like this:
______________________________________________________________
Verses 11 and 12 seem to apply most closely to temple worship. Why do I believe this? Because it refers to sacrifices and burnt offerings. These were offered at the temple. While the sacrifice of our animals is not part of temple worship today, we are commanded to sacrifice. The first question asked is "To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the Lord" He is "full of the burnt offerings", and "delight[s] not in the blood of bullocks. or of lambs, or of he goats." (So what is the purpose of the MULTITUDE of our sacrifices? Does the Lord really require us to go to the temple as often as possible? I don't have an answer, but it is a thought-provoking question.) The next question echoes this idea with "When ye come to appear before me, who hath required this at your hand, to tread my courts?" (I firmly believe the Lord does want us to appear before Him, he wants us to know him personally and walk with Him daily. The question then appears to be WHO REQUIRES us to "tread his courts"? As I continue to think about this, I feel more that his objection is not that we have certain places where we go to draw near to him, but the idea that going somewhere specific is necessary to walk with him. It isn't. He wants to be with us day by day, hour by hour, not simply on special occasions when we have removed ourselves from our daily living.)
Verse 13 continues with the religious concerns, but not necessarily in a temple setting. "Bring no more vain oblations..." (This one I thought meant something like pointless offerings, the dictionary seems to confirm this idea. Vain can be used as useless, pointless, futile, and producing no result. Oblations are things offered to God.) "Incense is an abomination unto me..." (I usually think of prayer when incense in mentioned.) "The new moons and sabbaths,..." (New moons happen once a month, so I think of fast Sunday, sabbaths are weekly, so that is how I spend my Sundays.) "The calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting." (That might be conferences at any level of organization, whether ward, stake, regional, or general. It might also be ward or youth activities, since I have been more involved in the planning of those than conference meetings. Why not throw in presidency meetings too? My best guess for "solemn meeting" might be sacrament meeting,since it is the most important meeting we attend.)
Verse 14 hits the subject again. "Your new moons (fast Sundays) and your appointed feasts (Christmas and Easter?) my soul hateth; they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them." (There are probably many people who would agree with this sentiment, at least some weeks. It would take a lot of nerve to say that publicly, though.)
Verse 15 and 16, "And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;" (Well, the most I can say after everything that has already been said is that the Lord doesn't want to embrace dirty kids any more than I do. Wash up, make things right, then we can talk.)
Verse 17 is the contrast showing what he WANTS us to be doing instead of what we have been doing. "Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow." (That sounds a bit like James 1:27, "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." I admit, I have been much better at attending the temple, and church meetings than I have at seeking out people who need comfort and aid.)
This has been hard to write. The question it leads me to ask is: Is it possible that God is unimpressed by our formal meetings and frequency of temple worship when there are still so many people in need of care. I love the emphasis from Women's Conference on finding a way, individually, to reach out to refugees. To my understanding, that is what is needed before we start planning for mansions in the next life.
___________________________________________________________
Welcome back. In verse 18 we get the good news, the invitation to repent. It isn't too late.
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Thank heaven! There is still hope if we repent and return to God. The previously described destruction might averted, and we can be among the remnant that is prepared to meet Christ.)
Verses 19 and 20 repeat the conditions of reprieve. "If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (This isn't just Isaiah's imagination or the product of some internet conspiracy theorists. THE LORD hath spoken it!)
The next part of the chapter seems to deal more with the political aspects of the country. In verse 21 the faithful city is become a harlot; where once lodged judgment and righteousness, now reside murderers. (I think this could easily enough refer to the center of our national government, although the comparison may extend to cities throughout the country.)
Verse 22, "Thy silver is become dross (worthless, like rubbish), thy wine mixed with water." (I think that is a pretty exact description of our fiat money supply.)
Verse 23 describes a stereotypical politician: "Thy princes are rebellious, and companions of thieves: every one loveth gifts, and followeth after rewards; they judge not the fatherless, neither doth the cause of the widow come unto them."
We got ourselves into this mess, so what will happen now? "Therefore saith the Lord, the Lord of hosts, the mighty One of Israel, Ah, I will ease me of mine adversaries, and avenge me of mine enemies." (Great, if the description of the country fits, we are now God's enemies and adversaries. I know how that story ends.)
First the punishment in verse 25, "And I will turn my hand upon thee, and purely purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin." (At the very least, our money will be as worthless to us as it really is. Bye Bye prosperity.)
Then to complete the story, "I will restore thy judges as at the first, and thy counsellors as at the beginning; afterward thou shalt be called, The city of righteousness, the faithful city. (That sounds good.) Zion shall be redeemed with judgment, and her converts with righteousness." (So this takes place at a time when the remnant daughter of Zion from verse 8 and 9 has grown and others have converted to her ways.)
The bad guys also get a final nod: "And the destruction of the transgressors and of the sinners shall be together, and they that forsake the Lord shall be consumed. For they shall be ashamed of the oaks which ye have desired, and ye shall be confounded for the gardens that ye have chosen. For ye shall be as an oak whose leaf fadeth, and as a garden that hath no water." (I don't know why the shift into garden metaphors here, but here is what I found. In 2004, the US Congress passed a bill naming the oak as the official tree of the United States. The oak is s symbol of strength and longevity. People look to it for protection and it was the meeting place of druids and witches. They are slow to mature, but can live for over 1000 years. I think the reference to oaks has to do with a desire to trust in outward power and strength. However, the oak leaf will fade, and the ornamental garden will dry up. Confounded means to be suddenly surprised by unexpected events.)
At the end of it all, "The strong shall be as tow (dry straw for starting fires), and the maker of it as a spark, and they shall both burn together, and none shall quench them." (That's how it ends. There is no middle ground, only people who repent, and those who have desired to become oaks and have trusted in oaks. They will be burned.)
This has been an amazingly educational exercise. I had no idea when I started how hard it would be to actually commit my thoughts into writing with the knowledge that someone might read it some day and be incredibly offended at my plain text interpretations of what Isaiah might be saying to someone in my shoes. I understand better why Laman and Lemuel were so offended at Nephi. He was using the same source, doing the same thing I am, except he really had a vision of things to come and wasn't just guessing.
I guess the only thing I have left to say is a warning. If you search Isaiah (as Christ told us to) and liken the scriptures unto yourself (as Nephi did), you might come to some pretty out of the box interpretations.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Easter Thoughts
These last couple weeks have thrown me off my normal routine. Not only have I been coughing my head off, I went through a miscarriage. All the extra exhaustion and time off my feet has given me time to think.
The story of Easter seems to be the merging of life and death. We celebrate renewed life through resurrection on Easter Sunday, but without the previous death of our Savior, Jesus Christ, there would be no cause for celebration. In the same light, there have been many extremes of emotion related to the discovery and subsequent loss of a pregnancy. Each of my children has brought unspeakable joy into my life, but there has also been sacrifice required (I don't think I have had a full night's sleep in over 18 years, for example). Thinking about going through the pregnancy gauntlet again gave me more than a minute of concern. Yet, every time I see dimples flash or receive a brief hug from my existing angels, I was reminded that the price is temporary while the blessing is forever.
My thoughts today end here:
The story of Easter seems to be the merging of life and death. We celebrate renewed life through resurrection on Easter Sunday, but without the previous death of our Savior, Jesus Christ, there would be no cause for celebration. In the same light, there have been many extremes of emotion related to the discovery and subsequent loss of a pregnancy. Each of my children has brought unspeakable joy into my life, but there has also been sacrifice required (I don't think I have had a full night's sleep in over 18 years, for example). Thinking about going through the pregnancy gauntlet again gave me more than a minute of concern. Yet, every time I see dimples flash or receive a brief hug from my existing angels, I was reminded that the price is temporary while the blessing is forever.
My thoughts today end here:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Do you have any ACEs?
This week I lost my voice, kind of. About a week ago when I was going to record the second part of my addiction workshop, I came down with a bad cough and didn't sound anything like myself. So, if anyone reading is wondering why it has taken so long to get another piece of my research, that's why. I didn't want to record something sounding like I was sick. The good news is that I have continued to work on scripting part 3. So, once my voice is back to normal I may have more than one completed section to send.
Without taking time to review what I have already written on the subject, I will just jump in with my thoughts this week. Forgive me if I am repeating things I've already said. My thoughts tend to do that.
When I first had the idea to put together a class, I didn't even know what the topic would be. I thought about parenting, finances, having a positive attitude, among others, but nothing really grabbed my attention. Anything I could write has already been said much better by other people. In the meantime, Daniel and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary later this year. Both of us agree it has not come without a lot of growth, pain, and sacrifice. In the process, we have learned some things about ourselves and adversity that might be worth sharing with others who are walking our path. The focus of my workshop centers around looking at addiction through new eyes. The reason for this focus is that it represents a common struggle. In some families, the central conflict is identified and named as a specific addiction or set of addictions. In other families, that conflict is termed differently we might say someone has a bad habit, or label them lazy, selfish, wasteful, inconsiderate... It doesn't really matter. The point is there is something about a person in our lives, someone we love or once loved, that we would do anything to change. We can see the negative consequences of their behavior on themselves and others, yet nothing seems to fix them. The future starts to look hopeless, the present is lacking joy. And this THING seems to be the source of all the problems. The fact that the person won't change puts them in the box of being the problem too.
The point of the first part of the lesson is to see if we can look at an addiction, not as a problem, but as an indication of deeper wounds that are still unhealed. The subsequent parts illustrate how these wounds are inflicted, and why the person's behavior may be totally rational and even functional from where they stand. With knowledge comes power, with understanding comes a key to real change (of ourselves, which allows others the space they need to change in a healthy way too).
The second part was about emotional and social development and how our primary attachment to first our mother and then other people formed the pattern for how we "read" every other close relationship in our adult lives. People who feel rejected and unsafe do not and cannot respond the same way that other people do when stressful situations arise in close relationships. By understanding this, we can work to first create a safe environment to resolve conflicts, and then present our concerns and hoped for solutions.
This week's topic has been Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These 10 items relate to types of childhood trauma that are strongly correlated with adverse health and social outcomes for adults. The more ACEs a person experienced, the higher their risk of addiction, abusive relationships, chronic illness, and early death. Maybe that doesn't sound that impressive, until you realize the sheer number of wounded adults who are going around trying to live a normal life and are struggling to keep things together. You really can't look at the outside of a person and judge anything about what challenges they have faced. Maybe if we can learn that lesson, we can stop thinking we know what other people should be doing with their choices, and learn to give them what they really need. LOVE.
When I started this little summary, I said I was going to write what has been on my mind. Everything to this point was all background. Here is my point. When I started this project, I thought I had learned enough from my own experiences to offer some helpful information. I thought this class was for other people. What I have found is that in the process of taking time to research and write in a way that gets my point across, I am learning the material all over again in a whole new way. I truly hope that my project is helpful to someone. I just know it has helped me to be a better wife. It has helped my husband to be a better spouse and friend as we talk more openly and with greater understanding of how we came to be the people we are. Had I known what I know now 20 years ago, I would have had a much easier time being married. Had I been able to explain to my husband what I have learned about myself over the last year, he would have been able to support me in ways that fostered our relationship instead of us each feeling like we had to fight for survival. I know this is pretty general, I'm writing primarily for myself here. Anyone who would like more information about the "Binding Broken Hearts" project can contact me and I will send them a link to completed sections. I just wanted to acknowledge that God knows us, and loves us so much. He has shown me that through the journey I continue on to find answers and happiness in life.
If you would like to take a quick ACEs quiz to see your score, click here. You may find it helps you understand people in your life a little differently.
Without taking time to review what I have already written on the subject, I will just jump in with my thoughts this week. Forgive me if I am repeating things I've already said. My thoughts tend to do that.
When I first had the idea to put together a class, I didn't even know what the topic would be. I thought about parenting, finances, having a positive attitude, among others, but nothing really grabbed my attention. Anything I could write has already been said much better by other people. In the meantime, Daniel and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary later this year. Both of us agree it has not come without a lot of growth, pain, and sacrifice. In the process, we have learned some things about ourselves and adversity that might be worth sharing with others who are walking our path. The focus of my workshop centers around looking at addiction through new eyes. The reason for this focus is that it represents a common struggle. In some families, the central conflict is identified and named as a specific addiction or set of addictions. In other families, that conflict is termed differently we might say someone has a bad habit, or label them lazy, selfish, wasteful, inconsiderate... It doesn't really matter. The point is there is something about a person in our lives, someone we love or once loved, that we would do anything to change. We can see the negative consequences of their behavior on themselves and others, yet nothing seems to fix them. The future starts to look hopeless, the present is lacking joy. And this THING seems to be the source of all the problems. The fact that the person won't change puts them in the box of being the problem too.
The point of the first part of the lesson is to see if we can look at an addiction, not as a problem, but as an indication of deeper wounds that are still unhealed. The subsequent parts illustrate how these wounds are inflicted, and why the person's behavior may be totally rational and even functional from where they stand. With knowledge comes power, with understanding comes a key to real change (of ourselves, which allows others the space they need to change in a healthy way too).
The second part was about emotional and social development and how our primary attachment to first our mother and then other people formed the pattern for how we "read" every other close relationship in our adult lives. People who feel rejected and unsafe do not and cannot respond the same way that other people do when stressful situations arise in close relationships. By understanding this, we can work to first create a safe environment to resolve conflicts, and then present our concerns and hoped for solutions.
This week's topic has been Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These 10 items relate to types of childhood trauma that are strongly correlated with adverse health and social outcomes for adults. The more ACEs a person experienced, the higher their risk of addiction, abusive relationships, chronic illness, and early death. Maybe that doesn't sound that impressive, until you realize the sheer number of wounded adults who are going around trying to live a normal life and are struggling to keep things together. You really can't look at the outside of a person and judge anything about what challenges they have faced. Maybe if we can learn that lesson, we can stop thinking we know what other people should be doing with their choices, and learn to give them what they really need. LOVE.
When I started this little summary, I said I was going to write what has been on my mind. Everything to this point was all background. Here is my point. When I started this project, I thought I had learned enough from my own experiences to offer some helpful information. I thought this class was for other people. What I have found is that in the process of taking time to research and write in a way that gets my point across, I am learning the material all over again in a whole new way. I truly hope that my project is helpful to someone. I just know it has helped me to be a better wife. It has helped my husband to be a better spouse and friend as we talk more openly and with greater understanding of how we came to be the people we are. Had I known what I know now 20 years ago, I would have had a much easier time being married. Had I been able to explain to my husband what I have learned about myself over the last year, he would have been able to support me in ways that fostered our relationship instead of us each feeling like we had to fight for survival. I know this is pretty general, I'm writing primarily for myself here. Anyone who would like more information about the "Binding Broken Hearts" project can contact me and I will send them a link to completed sections. I just wanted to acknowledge that God knows us, and loves us so much. He has shown me that through the journey I continue on to find answers and happiness in life.
If you would like to take a quick ACEs quiz to see your score, click here. You may find it helps you understand people in your life a little differently.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Parting the Sea
19 And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.A couple days ago, as I was driving Eric, I asked him if he knew the story of how his father became a Speech Pathologist. He was familiar with how the idea of speech pathology came to be an option, but wasn't familiar with how this became a reality.
20 And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust.
For the record, I will write a brief summary here:
About two years after getting married and starting school at BYU, Daniel was halfway through his linguistics major. He was enjoying the computer related minor, and the classes he was taking, but realized that linguistics just wasn't something he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing. (Basically analyzing language structure, writing dictionaries, etc.) A friend from one of his classes mentioned taking classes toward a minor in Speech-language pathology. It sounded like a good idea, and after trying it out, decided that was what he wanted to do.
After another semester or two, I was working on finishing my thesis, we had a baby and another on the way, and the thought of spending another year before graduating was unappealing, so we looked at the credits needed to graduate early, and he got on track to finish his degree after only 3 years at BYU. The plan was to move to Logan where he could pursue a graduate degree. He took the GRE, applied to USU, and started wrapping up our loose ends in Provo. Sometime in April the letter came, telling him he was denied because his SLP minor didn't have all the required classes to be admitted into the graduate program.
Undeterred, we continued with the plan, had a baby, and started looking for a house and job in Logan, where he could take the missing classes. We found the house, moved, looked for work, started school, kept looking for work, and reapplied for grad school again.
By the time he second rejection came, he was working part time at a call center (that's another story within the story). At this point, we didn't know what to do. How could something that seemed so right keep going so wrong? Even his faculty advisor couldn't explain why he had been put on the waiting list.
After a month of seeming hopelessness, in frustration, I said, "In a perfect world, people would be PAYING you to get this degree. They need people trained in your field, and you want to work!" A couple weeks later a letter arrived, telling us about the Outreach Program, which was designed to do just that. In exchange for his agreement to work as a SLP in rural schools in Utah for five years, the state would pay for his graduate tuition. He would need to find a district to hire him, and the classes would be held at USU during the summer when school wasn't in session, as well as online on weekends during the regular school year.
As soon as we read that, we knew why he had been turned down, twice. This program cycled through every two years, and it was the best way for him to support his family while he finished going to school. Soon afterward, another letter arrived telling him he had moved up the list for regular admission to grad school, but we already knew that was not what he would be doing.
The next challenge was to convince a district to hire him. He contacted the special education director for Cache County School District, where we lived, but they weren't interested. Then began the stress about how far he might have to go for work. Brigham City was an option, but it was an hour away, through a canyon that often closes for bad weather in the winter. We had a house, so moving didn't seem a viable option. What to do? I don't know how much later, he received a call saying the Cache County was willing to at least interview him before making a final decision. By the time the interview ended, we felt like that hurdle had been crossed as well. Eventually the district offered him a job with the wages and benefits of a full time entry level teacher, with raises to come commensurate with the education he was earning.
The final obstacle was how to support the family the first summer when he was in school full time and couldn't work. Remember the call center job? Soon after we learned of the Outreach program, his work started a period of "kicker pay" which allowed employees to sign up for a ton of overtime, including overtime pay. He worked 60-80 hours per week for about a month, and by the time he quit the job (after only being there 6 months), we had enough to get us though the summer until his teaching paycheck would start to come in. By the time August rolled around, things were tight again. Teachers usually didn't start getting checks until the end of September, but when he went to orientation, they announced a new policy that new teachers could opt into an August check (with subsequent checks pro-rated accordingly). THE END!!!
This story might seem a little hard to follow, but here is what it illustrates to me. God is a God of miracles. Just as he parted the Red Sea for the Israelites standing on the bank, waiting for help, he parted every obstacle that would keep a young family from disaster. Not once has Daniel complained about the work he does. He loves helping kids in our little rural town, he has good colleagues, he continues to develop his skills. This miracle that started over 15 years ago has enabled him to provide for a family which has grown to 9 children on a single income so that I can be home, teaching our children to read, to dream, to trust God to do similar things in their lives as well. God is SO good to us. This is not the only miracle we have seen, but it serves as a pattern for faith and belief that keeps us trusting God even when all options seem closed.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Broken Hearts
There was a time in my life when I felt like I had hit bottom...then kept falling. Looking back now, I wonder how much of that feeling was a result of sleepless nights, hormones, isolation from friends and family, or other perfectly normal parts of life breaking through my defenses. Whatever it was, I remember clearly praying through my tears that God would show mercy and heal my broken heart. My remedy was to build walls to protect my heart from hurting. However, the thought clearly came to my mind that God requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit as the price for my salvation. That was sufficient explanation for me as to why bad things were happening when I was trying so hard to be a good person.
In the many years that have elapsed since that experience, the idea that God loves me enough to let my heart be broken so that I can be with Him again has stayed with me.
Several years ago I heard of a song "Blessings" by Laura Story that has the same theme:
I was thinking this morning about my workshop and how science describes what has typically been thought of as spiritual phenomenon (such as forgiveness, or a mighty change of heart/ being born again). The lessons I have put together at this point are not framed through scripture and the words of recognized spiritual leaders, yet they represent truths I have been led to through applying faith in dealing with my own personal challenges. The more I study trauma and painful experiences, the more I see how the simple things, like quiet time to meditate, hold a key for healing and finding peace in life. As this truth is shown to me over and over, I find myself more easily being able to give thanks for ALL THINGS, including broken hearts. While I still look forward to the day that all broken hearts will be made whole again.
In the many years that have elapsed since that experience, the idea that God loves me enough to let my heart be broken so that I can be with Him again has stayed with me.
Several years ago I heard of a song "Blessings" by Laura Story that has the same theme:
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
I was thinking this morning about my workshop and how science describes what has typically been thought of as spiritual phenomenon (such as forgiveness, or a mighty change of heart/ being born again). The lessons I have put together at this point are not framed through scripture and the words of recognized spiritual leaders, yet they represent truths I have been led to through applying faith in dealing with my own personal challenges. The more I study trauma and painful experiences, the more I see how the simple things, like quiet time to meditate, hold a key for healing and finding peace in life. As this truth is shown to me over and over, I find myself more easily being able to give thanks for ALL THINGS, including broken hearts. While I still look forward to the day that all broken hearts will be made whole again.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Heart and Soul
Binding Broken Hearts is the title of my latest project. I feel this is more than a way to divert my attention when I don't want to clean house - it is a way I can turn some of my challenges into a blessing. Last Sunday I was doing a little topic search in the Bible to see what it had to say about broken hearts and this is what I found:
Even after outlining the workshop, I continue to find new sources that help me understand this difficult process of healing from emotional wounds. This week I have been reading "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. This is an amazing book that outlines what psychologists have learned about helping their clients to overcome the effects of trauma in their lives. I love the stories that are told through compassion, and the practical tools that are making a difference in helping people move beyond the darkness that has kept them trapped, cut off from real loving relationships with others. As I was nearing the end of this book, I started looking over my notes for the second part of the workshop, related to emotional development. I started feeling that I needed to have more information about the role of the heart in our relationships and healing. I really feel the heart has solutions that are beyond what the mind can offer. Since I feel strongly that my project does not originate with me, and is meant to bless others, I expect that my hunches and additional lines of inquiry really will continue to open new avenues. I have a few book ordered that will teach me more about what the heart has to offer in the healing of trauma. I can't wait to get back to work this coming week!
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty unto the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound. (Isaiah 61:1)Here is another version, from Luke 4:18:
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,I normally think of the miracles of Christ as related to miraculous healing from physical wounds and defects. These verses, particularly the one from Luke which was used by Jesus to announce the his mission among those who knew him in Nazareth, speak more of spiritual wounds and broken hearts than they do of broken bodies. As I think about my own desire to heal unseen wounds, does that mean this calling is directed through the Spirit of God?
Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men. Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work; For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul; And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen (Doctrine & Covenants, section 4)Here are some other verses that speak to the need for what I am trying to do:
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18
Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness; and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none. (Psalm 69:20)
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
...by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. (Proverbs 15:13)
Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives and lost the confidence of your children...many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds. (Jacob 2:35)
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. (Proverbs 27:7)These verses help give me purpose in my work. I feel that I am being led to make a difference to people who really are feeling the dark side of life.
Even after outlining the workshop, I continue to find new sources that help me understand this difficult process of healing from emotional wounds. This week I have been reading "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. This is an amazing book that outlines what psychologists have learned about helping their clients to overcome the effects of trauma in their lives. I love the stories that are told through compassion, and the practical tools that are making a difference in helping people move beyond the darkness that has kept them trapped, cut off from real loving relationships with others. As I was nearing the end of this book, I started looking over my notes for the second part of the workshop, related to emotional development. I started feeling that I needed to have more information about the role of the heart in our relationships and healing. I really feel the heart has solutions that are beyond what the mind can offer. Since I feel strongly that my project does not originate with me, and is meant to bless others, I expect that my hunches and additional lines of inquiry really will continue to open new avenues. I have a few book ordered that will teach me more about what the heart has to offer in the healing of trauma. I can't wait to get back to work this coming week!
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