Self-improvement

Saturday morning is here. I can hear the kids in the kitchen fixing their own breakfasts, just like they do most mornings. Something inside me wants to be with them, flipping pancakes or pouring cereal, but I sit comfortable in my warm bed and look around me, almost overwhelmed by the projects and chores that I wish were completed. The laundry is folded, but still in piles; the bathroom mats are washed, but the floor is unswept. In the kitchen I know the dishwasher needs to be emptied, and the table wiped from dinner last night.

Almost every morning I remind myself of the verse: Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early,that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated. (D&C 88:124) Then I wonder why the evening hours so easily pass away until I can't keep my eyes open any longer (accomplishing nothing) and I wake the next morning already behind the kids and reminded of tasks I want to tackle but don't have the motivation to start.

I wasn't always this way. Growing up I enjoyed waking at 5:00. Probably the only time of the day the house was quiet and I could have it all to myself. There was time to shower, eat breakfast, take as long as needed to prepare for the day before heading off to school by the time the house started to stir. In college I worked the opening shift at the library, and never had any trouble being there when the doors were unlocked. Early hours on my mission were also a peaceful delight. I have thought how so much has changed. I still want to arise before daybreak and use those quiet hours to prepare myself and my home for the day, but another late night and another morning where I feel like I am already so far behind I can't catch up.

I can tell you all the reason, or I should say circumstances that have led to the change - years of interrupted sleep from pregnancy and nursing babies who never get the hang of sleeping through the night, a night owl husband who likes the quiet time together without interruptions from children, finishing a show that takes longer than expected, or following the inspiration to look up "just one thing really quick" on the internet that leads to hours of follow-up. None of them bad in and of themselves, yet the quiet voice continues: arise early that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated". I can't escape it. Regardless of my motives, the consequences remain. My mind is in a fog. I spend too much time each day just trying to think what I should be doing, or just wanting to enjoy my thoughts, but realizing that they are as cluttered at the kitchen and as hard as I try they can't communicate with me in a meaningful way.

I guess this is one of the reasons I decided to start writing again. So my thoughts have a place to organize themselves so I can benefit from them.

Now it is time to get up for real. We are helping with a service project this morning and with half an hour to get ready to go, I HAVE to do something. Maybe after helping to clean up someone else's clutter I will be inspired to come home and tackle my own.