Several months ago, I started a scripture word search on the terms "test", "try", "prove", and "refine". Here is a sample of what I found:
Prove: establish the genuineness and validity of...; subject to a testing process; show one's abilities.
"...for the Lord your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul." Deut.13:3
Refine: to free from impurities or defects; make or become more polished or elegant or cultured; make or become more subtle or delicate in feelings
"And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried; they shall call on my name, and I will hear them; I will say, It is my people; and they shall say, The Lord is my God." Zechariah 13:9
Test: a critical examination or trial of a person/thing's qualities
(TRY) "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea he trieth their patience and their faith." Mosiah 23:21
Trial: a process or mode of testing qualities, a preliminary contest to test the abilities of players eligible for selection to a team.
"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the firey trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers in Christ's sufferings, that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."
1 Peter 4:12-13
One of the big questions presented in life has to do with injustice. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I used to believe that keeping the commandments was the safe path, meaning, the way to avoid the most pain and to qualify for the most help with my problems. I don't really believe that anymore. I also used to believe that the test in life was to see if I could keep all the commandments, to endure to the end (without making any major mistakes). I don't believe that anymore either. That kind of thinking led to a lot of pain when my "correct" answers did very little to solve the real life problems I was facing. A closer examination of scripture, such as the sample at the beginning of this post led me to a different concept -- God is providing the circumstances where I can be tried and proved for qualities that can not be demonstrated any other way. The trial is an opportunity for my heart to be known. When the day of judgment comes, I will be able to look at my life, the fires I faced, and my response to them. Then I will agree that God's judgment is just. Here in mortality, I will be tested sufficiently to leave no doubt as to the measure of my spiritual abilities and the appropriate placement in His kingdom.
This idea really hit home this morning in church. I remembered something Jared told me yesterday that applies to this test of mortality and the trials that we are each involved in. Earlier in the week, Jared took an Arabic oral proficiency exam. He was warned ahead of time that the test was designed to push him to the limits of his ability, to prove exactly what he could do and what he knew. The students were warned that they would leave feeling they had failed, being asked to perform beyond their ability. Jared, however, found the test rather simple. He was asked about regular things, like family and daily life. He felt surprisingly successful as he left the interview. However, when the scores came out, he was disappointed to be ranked "intermediate-advanced", rather than "advanced-beginning" or "advanced-intermediate", since the program is intended to take the students to an "advanced" language level. He wished the interviewer had not underestimated him, so that he could have shown what he was really capable of, what he has spent so many months preparing for.
Fortunately, Jared will have other opportunities to prove himself. He has worked hard, and continues to work toward his language and other personal goals. Unlike the final Judgment Day, this test does not determine his future placement and opportunities. I am grateful for the perspective his experience has given me of the huge disappointment that can come when the test is too easy. I am again grateful for the trials I have experienced. I have grown and I have seen where I still need to grow. God is merciful, even as he is just. I am thankful for opportunities that will leave me without doubt when my "score" is given.
Just something to think about.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Likening Isaiah
I might get myself in trouble for this, but after a few weeks of not writing, this is what has come to mind - likening Isaiah unto myself.
If you haven't listened to the LDS gospel library narration of the scriptures, I would strongly recommend it. I have found over the last few weeks that passages from the Old Testament that are rather hard to comprehend when reading make beautiful impressions (like poetry) when listened to. The book of Psalms is a beautiful illustration of a heart that is dependent on the Lord that I would like to emulate. On the other hand, the book of Isaiah is a stern call to repentance.
Nephi put it this way:
The second thing is that he read for the intent that they would profit and learn by the experience. He did this by likening them unto his situation, or in other words, treating the messages as though they were meant for him and his family to act on. Now I don't really see God sending prophets and recording scripture with the intent to tell people they are awesome, so the repentance part is what needs to be applied. That means looking at the call to repent as more than just a warning that other people (who were obviously more wicked than I am) were eventually destroyed because they didn't repent when warned. If I treat everything as a warning to me, I might be able to identify areas of personal improvement.
With that background, here is what happened when I turned on Isaiah chapter 1 this morning.
From verse 2, this is a message from the Lord, lamenting that he has nourished and brought up children that have rebelled against him. (I guess that might apply to me, since I have been nourished by the good word of God, and brought up in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Okay, Isaiah has my attention.)
From verse 3, the ox and ass know their owner and how they are fed, but Israel does not know, they don't even consider. (To me, this sounds like a call to really know God better, not just assume knowing about him is sufficient.)
Verse 4 identifies the target audience as "laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters; they have forsaken the Lord, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward." (Okay, at this point I am inclined to hope he isn't really talking about me, but what if he is? Laman and Lemuel thought the people in Jerusalem were righteous just before the destruction from Babylon, the priests of Christ's day thought they were doing well when they took his life to stabilize the status quo. It doesn't hurt to assume I might not be doing as well as I think either.)
From verses 5 and 6, "Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more; the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores; they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment." (This situation seems pretty hopeless. This is the end game, there doesn't seem like much to save. No wonder people didn't believe true prophets back then. Social science shows that we judge ourselves on our good intentions and others by what they actually do. Is the Lord really saying that we are so far gone that we don't even see how much we need to be healed? I can understand that no one would stand for radical medical treatment if they didn't believe it was necessary. They would reject the help, considering it to be an attack instead.)
Verses 7-9 seem to be a prophecy of things to come because our country is not yet desolate, our cities are not burned with fire, nor are we devoured and overthrown by strangers. It also appears there will be a small hope, which rests in the "daughter of Zion" that is left in the midst of the desolation. Without this "remnant", the desolation would be complete. (For me, this is a reason to hope. The remnant daughter of Zion may not be identified until after the destruction, but there is still hopefully time to repent and be numbered with that remnant. I don't believe membership in any particular organized group is sufficient to be considered part of the remnant. Only by complying individually with what the Lord expects can I have any hope of being preserved when the whole body/nation is pretty much beyond repair.)
From verses 9-10 the group (which I am likening unto whatever group I belong to) is compared to Sodom and Gomorrah. Now the rulers and people are told to pay attention to the word of the Lord and the law of our God.
At this point in the post, I would remind any readers that anything I write on my blog is the result of my own thoughts at the time I write. The next set of impressions that came as I was listening this morning will be applied to my religion because that is the one I know and can relate to. I would caution anyone who would not want to read possible interpretations of what God may object to in our religious worship to stop reading now, or to skip to a dividing section line that looks like this:
______________________________________________________________
Verses 11 and 12 seem to apply most closely to temple worship. Why do I believe this? Because it refers to sacrifices and burnt offerings. These were offered at the temple. While the sacrifice of our animals is not part of temple worship today, we are commanded to sacrifice. The first question asked is "To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the Lord" He is "full of the burnt offerings", and "delight[s] not in the blood of bullocks. or of lambs, or of he goats." (So what is the purpose of the MULTITUDE of our sacrifices? Does the Lord really require us to go to the temple as often as possible? I don't have an answer, but it is a thought-provoking question.) The next question echoes this idea with "When ye come to appear before me, who hath required this at your hand, to tread my courts?" (I firmly believe the Lord does want us to appear before Him, he wants us to know him personally and walk with Him daily. The question then appears to be WHO REQUIRES us to "tread his courts"? As I continue to think about this, I feel more that his objection is not that we have certain places where we go to draw near to him, but the idea that going somewhere specific is necessary to walk with him. It isn't. He wants to be with us day by day, hour by hour, not simply on special occasions when we have removed ourselves from our daily living.)
Verse 13 continues with the religious concerns, but not necessarily in a temple setting. "Bring no more vain oblations..." (This one I thought meant something like pointless offerings, the dictionary seems to confirm this idea. Vain can be used as useless, pointless, futile, and producing no result. Oblations are things offered to God.) "Incense is an abomination unto me..." (I usually think of prayer when incense in mentioned.) "The new moons and sabbaths,..." (New moons happen once a month, so I think of fast Sunday, sabbaths are weekly, so that is how I spend my Sundays.) "The calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting." (That might be conferences at any level of organization, whether ward, stake, regional, or general. It might also be ward or youth activities, since I have been more involved in the planning of those than conference meetings. Why not throw in presidency meetings too? My best guess for "solemn meeting" might be sacrament meeting,since it is the most important meeting we attend.)
Verse 14 hits the subject again. "Your new moons (fast Sundays) and your appointed feasts (Christmas and Easter?) my soul hateth; they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them." (There are probably many people who would agree with this sentiment, at least some weeks. It would take a lot of nerve to say that publicly, though.)
Verse 15 and 16, "And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;" (Well, the most I can say after everything that has already been said is that the Lord doesn't want to embrace dirty kids any more than I do. Wash up, make things right, then we can talk.)
Verse 17 is the contrast showing what he WANTS us to be doing instead of what we have been doing. "Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow." (That sounds a bit like James 1:27, "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." I admit, I have been much better at attending the temple, and church meetings than I have at seeking out people who need comfort and aid.)
This has been hard to write. The question it leads me to ask is: Is it possible that God is unimpressed by our formal meetings and frequency of temple worship when there are still so many people in need of care. I love the emphasis from Women's Conference on finding a way, individually, to reach out to refugees. To my understanding, that is what is needed before we start planning for mansions in the next life.
___________________________________________________________
Welcome back. In verse 18 we get the good news, the invitation to repent. It isn't too late.
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Thank heaven! There is still hope if we repent and return to God. The previously described destruction might averted, and we can be among the remnant that is prepared to meet Christ.)
Verses 19 and 20 repeat the conditions of reprieve. "If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (This isn't just Isaiah's imagination or the product of some internet conspiracy theorists. THE LORD hath spoken it!)
The next part of the chapter seems to deal more with the political aspects of the country. In verse 21 the faithful city is become a harlot; where once lodged judgment and righteousness, now reside murderers. (I think this could easily enough refer to the center of our national government, although the comparison may extend to cities throughout the country.)
Verse 22, "Thy silver is become dross (worthless, like rubbish), thy wine mixed with water." (I think that is a pretty exact description of our fiat money supply.)
Verse 23 describes a stereotypical politician: "Thy princes are rebellious, and companions of thieves: every one loveth gifts, and followeth after rewards; they judge not the fatherless, neither doth the cause of the widow come unto them."
We got ourselves into this mess, so what will happen now? "Therefore saith the Lord, the Lord of hosts, the mighty One of Israel, Ah, I will ease me of mine adversaries, and avenge me of mine enemies." (Great, if the description of the country fits, we are now God's enemies and adversaries. I know how that story ends.)
First the punishment in verse 25, "And I will turn my hand upon thee, and purely purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin." (At the very least, our money will be as worthless to us as it really is. Bye Bye prosperity.)
Then to complete the story, "I will restore thy judges as at the first, and thy counsellors as at the beginning; afterward thou shalt be called, The city of righteousness, the faithful city. (That sounds good.) Zion shall be redeemed with judgment, and her converts with righteousness." (So this takes place at a time when the remnant daughter of Zion from verse 8 and 9 has grown and others have converted to her ways.)
The bad guys also get a final nod: "And the destruction of the transgressors and of the sinners shall be together, and they that forsake the Lord shall be consumed. For they shall be ashamed of the oaks which ye have desired, and ye shall be confounded for the gardens that ye have chosen. For ye shall be as an oak whose leaf fadeth, and as a garden that hath no water." (I don't know why the shift into garden metaphors here, but here is what I found. In 2004, the US Congress passed a bill naming the oak as the official tree of the United States. The oak is s symbol of strength and longevity. People look to it for protection and it was the meeting place of druids and witches. They are slow to mature, but can live for over 1000 years. I think the reference to oaks has to do with a desire to trust in outward power and strength. However, the oak leaf will fade, and the ornamental garden will dry up. Confounded means to be suddenly surprised by unexpected events.)
At the end of it all, "The strong shall be as tow (dry straw for starting fires), and the maker of it as a spark, and they shall both burn together, and none shall quench them." (That's how it ends. There is no middle ground, only people who repent, and those who have desired to become oaks and have trusted in oaks. They will be burned.)
This has been an amazingly educational exercise. I had no idea when I started how hard it would be to actually commit my thoughts into writing with the knowledge that someone might read it some day and be incredibly offended at my plain text interpretations of what Isaiah might be saying to someone in my shoes. I understand better why Laman and Lemuel were so offended at Nephi. He was using the same source, doing the same thing I am, except he really had a vision of things to come and wasn't just guessing.
I guess the only thing I have left to say is a warning. If you search Isaiah (as Christ told us to) and liken the scriptures unto yourself (as Nephi did), you might come to some pretty out of the box interpretations.
If you haven't listened to the LDS gospel library narration of the scriptures, I would strongly recommend it. I have found over the last few weeks that passages from the Old Testament that are rather hard to comprehend when reading make beautiful impressions (like poetry) when listened to. The book of Psalms is a beautiful illustration of a heart that is dependent on the Lord that I would like to emulate. On the other hand, the book of Isaiah is a stern call to repentance.
Nephi put it this way:
Nephi didn't just tell them what to read, he read it to them. The interesting thing to me, is that I have learned far more from reading Isaiah aloud to my young children and from hearing it read by the gospel library narrator than I have from reading it myself or reading commentaries. Maybe Nephi is on to something!And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning. (1 Nephi 19:23)
The second thing is that he read for the intent that they would profit and learn by the experience. He did this by likening them unto his situation, or in other words, treating the messages as though they were meant for him and his family to act on. Now I don't really see God sending prophets and recording scripture with the intent to tell people they are awesome, so the repentance part is what needs to be applied. That means looking at the call to repent as more than just a warning that other people (who were obviously more wicked than I am) were eventually destroyed because they didn't repent when warned. If I treat everything as a warning to me, I might be able to identify areas of personal improvement.
With that background, here is what happened when I turned on Isaiah chapter 1 this morning.
From verse 2, this is a message from the Lord, lamenting that he has nourished and brought up children that have rebelled against him. (I guess that might apply to me, since I have been nourished by the good word of God, and brought up in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Okay, Isaiah has my attention.)
From verse 3, the ox and ass know their owner and how they are fed, but Israel does not know, they don't even consider. (To me, this sounds like a call to really know God better, not just assume knowing about him is sufficient.)
Verse 4 identifies the target audience as "laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters; they have forsaken the Lord, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward." (Okay, at this point I am inclined to hope he isn't really talking about me, but what if he is? Laman and Lemuel thought the people in Jerusalem were righteous just before the destruction from Babylon, the priests of Christ's day thought they were doing well when they took his life to stabilize the status quo. It doesn't hurt to assume I might not be doing as well as I think either.)
From verses 5 and 6, "Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more; the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores; they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment." (This situation seems pretty hopeless. This is the end game, there doesn't seem like much to save. No wonder people didn't believe true prophets back then. Social science shows that we judge ourselves on our good intentions and others by what they actually do. Is the Lord really saying that we are so far gone that we don't even see how much we need to be healed? I can understand that no one would stand for radical medical treatment if they didn't believe it was necessary. They would reject the help, considering it to be an attack instead.)
Verses 7-9 seem to be a prophecy of things to come because our country is not yet desolate, our cities are not burned with fire, nor are we devoured and overthrown by strangers. It also appears there will be a small hope, which rests in the "daughter of Zion" that is left in the midst of the desolation. Without this "remnant", the desolation would be complete. (For me, this is a reason to hope. The remnant daughter of Zion may not be identified until after the destruction, but there is still hopefully time to repent and be numbered with that remnant. I don't believe membership in any particular organized group is sufficient to be considered part of the remnant. Only by complying individually with what the Lord expects can I have any hope of being preserved when the whole body/nation is pretty much beyond repair.)
From verses 9-10 the group (which I am likening unto whatever group I belong to) is compared to Sodom and Gomorrah. Now the rulers and people are told to pay attention to the word of the Lord and the law of our God.
At this point in the post, I would remind any readers that anything I write on my blog is the result of my own thoughts at the time I write. The next set of impressions that came as I was listening this morning will be applied to my religion because that is the one I know and can relate to. I would caution anyone who would not want to read possible interpretations of what God may object to in our religious worship to stop reading now, or to skip to a dividing section line that looks like this:
______________________________________________________________
Verses 11 and 12 seem to apply most closely to temple worship. Why do I believe this? Because it refers to sacrifices and burnt offerings. These were offered at the temple. While the sacrifice of our animals is not part of temple worship today, we are commanded to sacrifice. The first question asked is "To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the Lord" He is "full of the burnt offerings", and "delight[s] not in the blood of bullocks. or of lambs, or of he goats." (So what is the purpose of the MULTITUDE of our sacrifices? Does the Lord really require us to go to the temple as often as possible? I don't have an answer, but it is a thought-provoking question.) The next question echoes this idea with "When ye come to appear before me, who hath required this at your hand, to tread my courts?" (I firmly believe the Lord does want us to appear before Him, he wants us to know him personally and walk with Him daily. The question then appears to be WHO REQUIRES us to "tread his courts"? As I continue to think about this, I feel more that his objection is not that we have certain places where we go to draw near to him, but the idea that going somewhere specific is necessary to walk with him. It isn't. He wants to be with us day by day, hour by hour, not simply on special occasions when we have removed ourselves from our daily living.)
Verse 13 continues with the religious concerns, but not necessarily in a temple setting. "Bring no more vain oblations..." (This one I thought meant something like pointless offerings, the dictionary seems to confirm this idea. Vain can be used as useless, pointless, futile, and producing no result. Oblations are things offered to God.) "Incense is an abomination unto me..." (I usually think of prayer when incense in mentioned.) "The new moons and sabbaths,..." (New moons happen once a month, so I think of fast Sunday, sabbaths are weekly, so that is how I spend my Sundays.) "The calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting." (That might be conferences at any level of organization, whether ward, stake, regional, or general. It might also be ward or youth activities, since I have been more involved in the planning of those than conference meetings. Why not throw in presidency meetings too? My best guess for "solemn meeting" might be sacrament meeting,since it is the most important meeting we attend.)
Verse 14 hits the subject again. "Your new moons (fast Sundays) and your appointed feasts (Christmas and Easter?) my soul hateth; they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them." (There are probably many people who would agree with this sentiment, at least some weeks. It would take a lot of nerve to say that publicly, though.)
Verse 15 and 16, "And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;" (Well, the most I can say after everything that has already been said is that the Lord doesn't want to embrace dirty kids any more than I do. Wash up, make things right, then we can talk.)
Verse 17 is the contrast showing what he WANTS us to be doing instead of what we have been doing. "Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow." (That sounds a bit like James 1:27, "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." I admit, I have been much better at attending the temple, and church meetings than I have at seeking out people who need comfort and aid.)
This has been hard to write. The question it leads me to ask is: Is it possible that God is unimpressed by our formal meetings and frequency of temple worship when there are still so many people in need of care. I love the emphasis from Women's Conference on finding a way, individually, to reach out to refugees. To my understanding, that is what is needed before we start planning for mansions in the next life.
___________________________________________________________
Welcome back. In verse 18 we get the good news, the invitation to repent. It isn't too late.
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Thank heaven! There is still hope if we repent and return to God. The previously described destruction might averted, and we can be among the remnant that is prepared to meet Christ.)
Verses 19 and 20 repeat the conditions of reprieve. "If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (This isn't just Isaiah's imagination or the product of some internet conspiracy theorists. THE LORD hath spoken it!)
The next part of the chapter seems to deal more with the political aspects of the country. In verse 21 the faithful city is become a harlot; where once lodged judgment and righteousness, now reside murderers. (I think this could easily enough refer to the center of our national government, although the comparison may extend to cities throughout the country.)
Verse 22, "Thy silver is become dross (worthless, like rubbish), thy wine mixed with water." (I think that is a pretty exact description of our fiat money supply.)
Verse 23 describes a stereotypical politician: "Thy princes are rebellious, and companions of thieves: every one loveth gifts, and followeth after rewards; they judge not the fatherless, neither doth the cause of the widow come unto them."
We got ourselves into this mess, so what will happen now? "Therefore saith the Lord, the Lord of hosts, the mighty One of Israel, Ah, I will ease me of mine adversaries, and avenge me of mine enemies." (Great, if the description of the country fits, we are now God's enemies and adversaries. I know how that story ends.)
First the punishment in verse 25, "And I will turn my hand upon thee, and purely purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin." (At the very least, our money will be as worthless to us as it really is. Bye Bye prosperity.)
Then to complete the story, "I will restore thy judges as at the first, and thy counsellors as at the beginning; afterward thou shalt be called, The city of righteousness, the faithful city. (That sounds good.) Zion shall be redeemed with judgment, and her converts with righteousness." (So this takes place at a time when the remnant daughter of Zion from verse 8 and 9 has grown and others have converted to her ways.)
The bad guys also get a final nod: "And the destruction of the transgressors and of the sinners shall be together, and they that forsake the Lord shall be consumed. For they shall be ashamed of the oaks which ye have desired, and ye shall be confounded for the gardens that ye have chosen. For ye shall be as an oak whose leaf fadeth, and as a garden that hath no water." (I don't know why the shift into garden metaphors here, but here is what I found. In 2004, the US Congress passed a bill naming the oak as the official tree of the United States. The oak is s symbol of strength and longevity. People look to it for protection and it was the meeting place of druids and witches. They are slow to mature, but can live for over 1000 years. I think the reference to oaks has to do with a desire to trust in outward power and strength. However, the oak leaf will fade, and the ornamental garden will dry up. Confounded means to be suddenly surprised by unexpected events.)
At the end of it all, "The strong shall be as tow (dry straw for starting fires), and the maker of it as a spark, and they shall both burn together, and none shall quench them." (That's how it ends. There is no middle ground, only people who repent, and those who have desired to become oaks and have trusted in oaks. They will be burned.)
This has been an amazingly educational exercise. I had no idea when I started how hard it would be to actually commit my thoughts into writing with the knowledge that someone might read it some day and be incredibly offended at my plain text interpretations of what Isaiah might be saying to someone in my shoes. I understand better why Laman and Lemuel were so offended at Nephi. He was using the same source, doing the same thing I am, except he really had a vision of things to come and wasn't just guessing.
I guess the only thing I have left to say is a warning. If you search Isaiah (as Christ told us to) and liken the scriptures unto yourself (as Nephi did), you might come to some pretty out of the box interpretations.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Easter Thoughts
These last couple weeks have thrown me off my normal routine. Not only have I been coughing my head off, I went through a miscarriage. All the extra exhaustion and time off my feet has given me time to think.
The story of Easter seems to be the merging of life and death. We celebrate renewed life through resurrection on Easter Sunday, but without the previous death of our Savior, Jesus Christ, there would be no cause for celebration. In the same light, there have been many extremes of emotion related to the discovery and subsequent loss of a pregnancy. Each of my children has brought unspeakable joy into my life, but there has also been sacrifice required (I don't think I have had a full night's sleep in over 18 years, for example). Thinking about going through the pregnancy gauntlet again gave me more than a minute of concern. Yet, every time I see dimples flash or receive a brief hug from my existing angels, I was reminded that the price is temporary while the blessing is forever.
My thoughts today end here:
The story of Easter seems to be the merging of life and death. We celebrate renewed life through resurrection on Easter Sunday, but without the previous death of our Savior, Jesus Christ, there would be no cause for celebration. In the same light, there have been many extremes of emotion related to the discovery and subsequent loss of a pregnancy. Each of my children has brought unspeakable joy into my life, but there has also been sacrifice required (I don't think I have had a full night's sleep in over 18 years, for example). Thinking about going through the pregnancy gauntlet again gave me more than a minute of concern. Yet, every time I see dimples flash or receive a brief hug from my existing angels, I was reminded that the price is temporary while the blessing is forever.
My thoughts today end here:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Do you have any ACEs?
This week I lost my voice, kind of. About a week ago when I was going to record the second part of my addiction workshop, I came down with a bad cough and didn't sound anything like myself. So, if anyone reading is wondering why it has taken so long to get another piece of my research, that's why. I didn't want to record something sounding like I was sick. The good news is that I have continued to work on scripting part 3. So, once my voice is back to normal I may have more than one completed section to send.
Without taking time to review what I have already written on the subject, I will just jump in with my thoughts this week. Forgive me if I am repeating things I've already said. My thoughts tend to do that.
When I first had the idea to put together a class, I didn't even know what the topic would be. I thought about parenting, finances, having a positive attitude, among others, but nothing really grabbed my attention. Anything I could write has already been said much better by other people. In the meantime, Daniel and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary later this year. Both of us agree it has not come without a lot of growth, pain, and sacrifice. In the process, we have learned some things about ourselves and adversity that might be worth sharing with others who are walking our path. The focus of my workshop centers around looking at addiction through new eyes. The reason for this focus is that it represents a common struggle. In some families, the central conflict is identified and named as a specific addiction or set of addictions. In other families, that conflict is termed differently we might say someone has a bad habit, or label them lazy, selfish, wasteful, inconsiderate... It doesn't really matter. The point is there is something about a person in our lives, someone we love or once loved, that we would do anything to change. We can see the negative consequences of their behavior on themselves and others, yet nothing seems to fix them. The future starts to look hopeless, the present is lacking joy. And this THING seems to be the source of all the problems. The fact that the person won't change puts them in the box of being the problem too.
The point of the first part of the lesson is to see if we can look at an addiction, not as a problem, but as an indication of deeper wounds that are still unhealed. The subsequent parts illustrate how these wounds are inflicted, and why the person's behavior may be totally rational and even functional from where they stand. With knowledge comes power, with understanding comes a key to real change (of ourselves, which allows others the space they need to change in a healthy way too).
The second part was about emotional and social development and how our primary attachment to first our mother and then other people formed the pattern for how we "read" every other close relationship in our adult lives. People who feel rejected and unsafe do not and cannot respond the same way that other people do when stressful situations arise in close relationships. By understanding this, we can work to first create a safe environment to resolve conflicts, and then present our concerns and hoped for solutions.
This week's topic has been Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These 10 items relate to types of childhood trauma that are strongly correlated with adverse health and social outcomes for adults. The more ACEs a person experienced, the higher their risk of addiction, abusive relationships, chronic illness, and early death. Maybe that doesn't sound that impressive, until you realize the sheer number of wounded adults who are going around trying to live a normal life and are struggling to keep things together. You really can't look at the outside of a person and judge anything about what challenges they have faced. Maybe if we can learn that lesson, we can stop thinking we know what other people should be doing with their choices, and learn to give them what they really need. LOVE.
When I started this little summary, I said I was going to write what has been on my mind. Everything to this point was all background. Here is my point. When I started this project, I thought I had learned enough from my own experiences to offer some helpful information. I thought this class was for other people. What I have found is that in the process of taking time to research and write in a way that gets my point across, I am learning the material all over again in a whole new way. I truly hope that my project is helpful to someone. I just know it has helped me to be a better wife. It has helped my husband to be a better spouse and friend as we talk more openly and with greater understanding of how we came to be the people we are. Had I known what I know now 20 years ago, I would have had a much easier time being married. Had I been able to explain to my husband what I have learned about myself over the last year, he would have been able to support me in ways that fostered our relationship instead of us each feeling like we had to fight for survival. I know this is pretty general, I'm writing primarily for myself here. Anyone who would like more information about the "Binding Broken Hearts" project can contact me and I will send them a link to completed sections. I just wanted to acknowledge that God knows us, and loves us so much. He has shown me that through the journey I continue on to find answers and happiness in life.
If you would like to take a quick ACEs quiz to see your score, click here. You may find it helps you understand people in your life a little differently.
Without taking time to review what I have already written on the subject, I will just jump in with my thoughts this week. Forgive me if I am repeating things I've already said. My thoughts tend to do that.
When I first had the idea to put together a class, I didn't even know what the topic would be. I thought about parenting, finances, having a positive attitude, among others, but nothing really grabbed my attention. Anything I could write has already been said much better by other people. In the meantime, Daniel and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary later this year. Both of us agree it has not come without a lot of growth, pain, and sacrifice. In the process, we have learned some things about ourselves and adversity that might be worth sharing with others who are walking our path. The focus of my workshop centers around looking at addiction through new eyes. The reason for this focus is that it represents a common struggle. In some families, the central conflict is identified and named as a specific addiction or set of addictions. In other families, that conflict is termed differently we might say someone has a bad habit, or label them lazy, selfish, wasteful, inconsiderate... It doesn't really matter. The point is there is something about a person in our lives, someone we love or once loved, that we would do anything to change. We can see the negative consequences of their behavior on themselves and others, yet nothing seems to fix them. The future starts to look hopeless, the present is lacking joy. And this THING seems to be the source of all the problems. The fact that the person won't change puts them in the box of being the problem too.
The point of the first part of the lesson is to see if we can look at an addiction, not as a problem, but as an indication of deeper wounds that are still unhealed. The subsequent parts illustrate how these wounds are inflicted, and why the person's behavior may be totally rational and even functional from where they stand. With knowledge comes power, with understanding comes a key to real change (of ourselves, which allows others the space they need to change in a healthy way too).
The second part was about emotional and social development and how our primary attachment to first our mother and then other people formed the pattern for how we "read" every other close relationship in our adult lives. People who feel rejected and unsafe do not and cannot respond the same way that other people do when stressful situations arise in close relationships. By understanding this, we can work to first create a safe environment to resolve conflicts, and then present our concerns and hoped for solutions.
This week's topic has been Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These 10 items relate to types of childhood trauma that are strongly correlated with adverse health and social outcomes for adults. The more ACEs a person experienced, the higher their risk of addiction, abusive relationships, chronic illness, and early death. Maybe that doesn't sound that impressive, until you realize the sheer number of wounded adults who are going around trying to live a normal life and are struggling to keep things together. You really can't look at the outside of a person and judge anything about what challenges they have faced. Maybe if we can learn that lesson, we can stop thinking we know what other people should be doing with their choices, and learn to give them what they really need. LOVE.
When I started this little summary, I said I was going to write what has been on my mind. Everything to this point was all background. Here is my point. When I started this project, I thought I had learned enough from my own experiences to offer some helpful information. I thought this class was for other people. What I have found is that in the process of taking time to research and write in a way that gets my point across, I am learning the material all over again in a whole new way. I truly hope that my project is helpful to someone. I just know it has helped me to be a better wife. It has helped my husband to be a better spouse and friend as we talk more openly and with greater understanding of how we came to be the people we are. Had I known what I know now 20 years ago, I would have had a much easier time being married. Had I been able to explain to my husband what I have learned about myself over the last year, he would have been able to support me in ways that fostered our relationship instead of us each feeling like we had to fight for survival. I know this is pretty general, I'm writing primarily for myself here. Anyone who would like more information about the "Binding Broken Hearts" project can contact me and I will send them a link to completed sections. I just wanted to acknowledge that God knows us, and loves us so much. He has shown me that through the journey I continue on to find answers and happiness in life.
If you would like to take a quick ACEs quiz to see your score, click here. You may find it helps you understand people in your life a little differently.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Parting the Sea
19 And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.A couple days ago, as I was driving Eric, I asked him if he knew the story of how his father became a Speech Pathologist. He was familiar with how the idea of speech pathology came to be an option, but wasn't familiar with how this became a reality.
20 And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust.
For the record, I will write a brief summary here:
About two years after getting married and starting school at BYU, Daniel was halfway through his linguistics major. He was enjoying the computer related minor, and the classes he was taking, but realized that linguistics just wasn't something he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing. (Basically analyzing language structure, writing dictionaries, etc.) A friend from one of his classes mentioned taking classes toward a minor in Speech-language pathology. It sounded like a good idea, and after trying it out, decided that was what he wanted to do.
After another semester or two, I was working on finishing my thesis, we had a baby and another on the way, and the thought of spending another year before graduating was unappealing, so we looked at the credits needed to graduate early, and he got on track to finish his degree after only 3 years at BYU. The plan was to move to Logan where he could pursue a graduate degree. He took the GRE, applied to USU, and started wrapping up our loose ends in Provo. Sometime in April the letter came, telling him he was denied because his SLP minor didn't have all the required classes to be admitted into the graduate program.
Undeterred, we continued with the plan, had a baby, and started looking for a house and job in Logan, where he could take the missing classes. We found the house, moved, looked for work, started school, kept looking for work, and reapplied for grad school again.
By the time he second rejection came, he was working part time at a call center (that's another story within the story). At this point, we didn't know what to do. How could something that seemed so right keep going so wrong? Even his faculty advisor couldn't explain why he had been put on the waiting list.
After a month of seeming hopelessness, in frustration, I said, "In a perfect world, people would be PAYING you to get this degree. They need people trained in your field, and you want to work!" A couple weeks later a letter arrived, telling us about the Outreach Program, which was designed to do just that. In exchange for his agreement to work as a SLP in rural schools in Utah for five years, the state would pay for his graduate tuition. He would need to find a district to hire him, and the classes would be held at USU during the summer when school wasn't in session, as well as online on weekends during the regular school year.
As soon as we read that, we knew why he had been turned down, twice. This program cycled through every two years, and it was the best way for him to support his family while he finished going to school. Soon afterward, another letter arrived telling him he had moved up the list for regular admission to grad school, but we already knew that was not what he would be doing.
The next challenge was to convince a district to hire him. He contacted the special education director for Cache County School District, where we lived, but they weren't interested. Then began the stress about how far he might have to go for work. Brigham City was an option, but it was an hour away, through a canyon that often closes for bad weather in the winter. We had a house, so moving didn't seem a viable option. What to do? I don't know how much later, he received a call saying the Cache County was willing to at least interview him before making a final decision. By the time the interview ended, we felt like that hurdle had been crossed as well. Eventually the district offered him a job with the wages and benefits of a full time entry level teacher, with raises to come commensurate with the education he was earning.
The final obstacle was how to support the family the first summer when he was in school full time and couldn't work. Remember the call center job? Soon after we learned of the Outreach program, his work started a period of "kicker pay" which allowed employees to sign up for a ton of overtime, including overtime pay. He worked 60-80 hours per week for about a month, and by the time he quit the job (after only being there 6 months), we had enough to get us though the summer until his teaching paycheck would start to come in. By the time August rolled around, things were tight again. Teachers usually didn't start getting checks until the end of September, but when he went to orientation, they announced a new policy that new teachers could opt into an August check (with subsequent checks pro-rated accordingly). THE END!!!
This story might seem a little hard to follow, but here is what it illustrates to me. God is a God of miracles. Just as he parted the Red Sea for the Israelites standing on the bank, waiting for help, he parted every obstacle that would keep a young family from disaster. Not once has Daniel complained about the work he does. He loves helping kids in our little rural town, he has good colleagues, he continues to develop his skills. This miracle that started over 15 years ago has enabled him to provide for a family which has grown to 9 children on a single income so that I can be home, teaching our children to read, to dream, to trust God to do similar things in their lives as well. God is SO good to us. This is not the only miracle we have seen, but it serves as a pattern for faith and belief that keeps us trusting God even when all options seem closed.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Broken Hearts
There was a time in my life when I felt like I had hit bottom...then kept falling. Looking back now, I wonder how much of that feeling was a result of sleepless nights, hormones, isolation from friends and family, or other perfectly normal parts of life breaking through my defenses. Whatever it was, I remember clearly praying through my tears that God would show mercy and heal my broken heart. My remedy was to build walls to protect my heart from hurting. However, the thought clearly came to my mind that God requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit as the price for my salvation. That was sufficient explanation for me as to why bad things were happening when I was trying so hard to be a good person.
In the many years that have elapsed since that experience, the idea that God loves me enough to let my heart be broken so that I can be with Him again has stayed with me.
Several years ago I heard of a song "Blessings" by Laura Story that has the same theme:
I was thinking this morning about my workshop and how science describes what has typically been thought of as spiritual phenomenon (such as forgiveness, or a mighty change of heart/ being born again). The lessons I have put together at this point are not framed through scripture and the words of recognized spiritual leaders, yet they represent truths I have been led to through applying faith in dealing with my own personal challenges. The more I study trauma and painful experiences, the more I see how the simple things, like quiet time to meditate, hold a key for healing and finding peace in life. As this truth is shown to me over and over, I find myself more easily being able to give thanks for ALL THINGS, including broken hearts. While I still look forward to the day that all broken hearts will be made whole again.
In the many years that have elapsed since that experience, the idea that God loves me enough to let my heart be broken so that I can be with Him again has stayed with me.
Several years ago I heard of a song "Blessings" by Laura Story that has the same theme:
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
I was thinking this morning about my workshop and how science describes what has typically been thought of as spiritual phenomenon (such as forgiveness, or a mighty change of heart/ being born again). The lessons I have put together at this point are not framed through scripture and the words of recognized spiritual leaders, yet they represent truths I have been led to through applying faith in dealing with my own personal challenges. The more I study trauma and painful experiences, the more I see how the simple things, like quiet time to meditate, hold a key for healing and finding peace in life. As this truth is shown to me over and over, I find myself more easily being able to give thanks for ALL THINGS, including broken hearts. While I still look forward to the day that all broken hearts will be made whole again.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Heart and Soul
Binding Broken Hearts is the title of my latest project. I feel this is more than a way to divert my attention when I don't want to clean house - it is a way I can turn some of my challenges into a blessing. Last Sunday I was doing a little topic search in the Bible to see what it had to say about broken hearts and this is what I found:
Even after outlining the workshop, I continue to find new sources that help me understand this difficult process of healing from emotional wounds. This week I have been reading "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. This is an amazing book that outlines what psychologists have learned about helping their clients to overcome the effects of trauma in their lives. I love the stories that are told through compassion, and the practical tools that are making a difference in helping people move beyond the darkness that has kept them trapped, cut off from real loving relationships with others. As I was nearing the end of this book, I started looking over my notes for the second part of the workshop, related to emotional development. I started feeling that I needed to have more information about the role of the heart in our relationships and healing. I really feel the heart has solutions that are beyond what the mind can offer. Since I feel strongly that my project does not originate with me, and is meant to bless others, I expect that my hunches and additional lines of inquiry really will continue to open new avenues. I have a few book ordered that will teach me more about what the heart has to offer in the healing of trauma. I can't wait to get back to work this coming week!
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty unto the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound. (Isaiah 61:1)Here is another version, from Luke 4:18:
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,I normally think of the miracles of Christ as related to miraculous healing from physical wounds and defects. These verses, particularly the one from Luke which was used by Jesus to announce the his mission among those who knew him in Nazareth, speak more of spiritual wounds and broken hearts than they do of broken bodies. As I think about my own desire to heal unseen wounds, does that mean this calling is directed through the Spirit of God?
Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men. Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work; For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul; And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen (Doctrine & Covenants, section 4)Here are some other verses that speak to the need for what I am trying to do:
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18
Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness; and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none. (Psalm 69:20)
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
...by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. (Proverbs 15:13)
Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives and lost the confidence of your children...many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds. (Jacob 2:35)
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. (Proverbs 27:7)These verses help give me purpose in my work. I feel that I am being led to make a difference to people who really are feeling the dark side of life.
Even after outlining the workshop, I continue to find new sources that help me understand this difficult process of healing from emotional wounds. This week I have been reading "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. This is an amazing book that outlines what psychologists have learned about helping their clients to overcome the effects of trauma in their lives. I love the stories that are told through compassion, and the practical tools that are making a difference in helping people move beyond the darkness that has kept them trapped, cut off from real loving relationships with others. As I was nearing the end of this book, I started looking over my notes for the second part of the workshop, related to emotional development. I started feeling that I needed to have more information about the role of the heart in our relationships and healing. I really feel the heart has solutions that are beyond what the mind can offer. Since I feel strongly that my project does not originate with me, and is meant to bless others, I expect that my hunches and additional lines of inquiry really will continue to open new avenues. I have a few book ordered that will teach me more about what the heart has to offer in the healing of trauma. I can't wait to get back to work this coming week!
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Checkpoint
This week's chapter from the "Resolved" book was about Financial Management. I agree this is something important to work on, and I will mention that I have been tracking my daily spending to be used as the basis for an updated budget. However, my focus this week was on completely different things.
As I mentioned last week, I feel that friendship is something that I could improve at. As it happened, I had an opportunity to put a friendship through the test a couple days ago. Toward the end of a normal phone conversation with a friend, I mentioned some thoughts and questions I had about the goals of one of her family members. I questioned whether she and her husband were taking realistic steps to see that one of their children was prepared to meet those goals. Normally, my position is to let people run their families however they are inspired without comment, but in this case, I felt prompted to initiate the discussion. By the end, she was crying, and although I still felt like I needed to do what I had, I didn't know how she felt about the conversation. The next day I had a text from her that didn't make any sense, and the reply seemed a little terse to me. Within half an hour I called just to see if I owed an apology for anything and to resolve whatever might have been happening related to the strange text.(Remember, I am someone who used to run from the hint of any confrontation. My old self would have ignored any further engagement until I had some sign from her that things were okay or not.) The great thing is that she reassured me that we were still on good terms and she was just confused because I was referring to a text she hadn't sent anyone that morning. This story may seem like nothing important, however to me it represents growth and confidence I have gained.
As for my main goal, this week I finished a rough draft of my 8-part workshop. It is currently in a Powerpoint type format, and I hope to have the first part recorded with the slides and a voice-over to send to people for review and comments. Working toward this goal has pushed me out of my comfort zone, but the real challenge comes when I let my work be available for critique. I feel like I have always been oversensitive to criticism, but perhaps, it will turn out as well as the situation with my friend did. I also found a free presentation program that will take the project to a new level. Unfortunately, I have to learn how to use it from scratch. I think that stage will come after I have had all the parts of the workshop reviewed. Hopefully some time this summer.
If anyone reading this wants to be on the review committee (someone I send the rough draft presentations to), please let me know. The purpose of this project is to educate interested people in a non-shaming, non-blaming perspective on addiction and trauma. My initial interest was addiction based, but the information will be relevant to a much broader audience, including an understanding of how to develop the skills and resources that help people bounce back after adversity of many kinds.
As I mentioned last week, I feel that friendship is something that I could improve at. As it happened, I had an opportunity to put a friendship through the test a couple days ago. Toward the end of a normal phone conversation with a friend, I mentioned some thoughts and questions I had about the goals of one of her family members. I questioned whether she and her husband were taking realistic steps to see that one of their children was prepared to meet those goals. Normally, my position is to let people run their families however they are inspired without comment, but in this case, I felt prompted to initiate the discussion. By the end, she was crying, and although I still felt like I needed to do what I had, I didn't know how she felt about the conversation. The next day I had a text from her that didn't make any sense, and the reply seemed a little terse to me. Within half an hour I called just to see if I owed an apology for anything and to resolve whatever might have been happening related to the strange text.(Remember, I am someone who used to run from the hint of any confrontation. My old self would have ignored any further engagement until I had some sign from her that things were okay or not.) The great thing is that she reassured me that we were still on good terms and she was just confused because I was referring to a text she hadn't sent anyone that morning. This story may seem like nothing important, however to me it represents growth and confidence I have gained.
As for my main goal, this week I finished a rough draft of my 8-part workshop. It is currently in a Powerpoint type format, and I hope to have the first part recorded with the slides and a voice-over to send to people for review and comments. Working toward this goal has pushed me out of my comfort zone, but the real challenge comes when I let my work be available for critique. I feel like I have always been oversensitive to criticism, but perhaps, it will turn out as well as the situation with my friend did. I also found a free presentation program that will take the project to a new level. Unfortunately, I have to learn how to use it from scratch. I think that stage will come after I have had all the parts of the workshop reviewed. Hopefully some time this summer.
If anyone reading this wants to be on the review committee (someone I send the rough draft presentations to), please let me know. The purpose of this project is to educate interested people in a non-shaming, non-blaming perspective on addiction and trauma. My initial interest was addiction based, but the information will be relevant to a much broader audience, including an understanding of how to develop the skills and resources that help people bounce back after adversity of many kinds.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Friendship
I really enjoyed the topic of friendship this week. Some people seem blessed with networks of supportive people they can lean on and laugh with. I've never found people to be that safe for me. Here are the eight points related to true friendship in this week's chapter of "Resolved":
1. True friends form around a shared insight, interest, or taste, enjoying the common bond uniting them. I had never really thought about friendship being based on certain common ties. I have difficulty opening up to people I don't really know, and my habits and hobbies are often solitary pursuits. I wonder if that is a chicken-egg situation?
2. True friends accept one another, loving each other despite their human imperfections. I guess this is another area made more difficult by introversion. When I am afraid to put my true thoughts or self on display, how can I feel accepted?
3. True friends approve of one another, protecting each other's weaknesses while enhancing each other's strengths.
4. True friends appreciate one another, encouraging, serving, and believing in one another's gifts and talents.
5. True friends listen with empathy, learning the hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles of each other. What a gift that would be. I am trying to be a better listener, but I still have work to do in this area.
6. True friends celebrate one another's success, proud of each other's accomplishments without a hint of envy. I think I do enjoy hearing others' success stories without envy. The celebration comes with more difficulty for me. I'm just not good at celebrating. There always seems to be another responsibility riding the tail of success.
7. True friends are trustworthy, maintaining all confidences shared with unimpeachable honor and self-respect, knowing that gossip separates the best of friends. This week in my trauma homework, I have been reading about the need of a support network. Even professional counselors need a safe person to talk to when things start to get overwhelming. The less safe we feel, the more stress we carry and it takes a toll on our health and ability to continue. Maybe fewer people would need professional counseling if they had real friends.
8. True friends are loyal, respecting and defending one another's character, reputation, and motives, as far as truth allows, while addressing any issues or concerns between them promptly and privately, ensuring misunderstandings never fester. I would have to say that for individuals to be honest about their concerns and not worry that speaking truthfully would damage the relationship, they must be true friends. Because it takes a true friend to believe that painful words can be said with love and also that sometimes we bring up difficult conversations out of concern, not condemnation.
These ideas aren't earth-shattering, but it has been worthwhile for me to think about what beliefs I have that keep me from seeking and maintaining more true friendships. I have found that many relationships are formed of convenience and are quickly lost when situations change. I do like the first point made because it rings true with my experience. Those people who I feel share an understanding or appreciation of some aspect of my life feel safer for me to open up around. It is not until I open up and am still accepted and even appreciated that I feel a friendship has been started. The more obscure or even painful the shared experience is, the deeper that bond reaches because I know I am understood on a level that is based on my true self, not the image I show the world.
On another note, I am excited to report progress on my family life class outline. Right now I have 8 units planned, covering Addiction, Emotional Development, Adverse Childhood Experiences, Trauma, Resilience, Secondary Trauma, Post-traumatic Growth, and resources for help. I have had the opportunity to share some of this with several people I care about who are working through difficult situations and it seems to be helping them. I don't know whether my thoughts are unique in addressing the risk and protective factors associated with addictions, but it is a good summary of what I have learned and I am excited to put the information in a format that others can easily access.
1. True friends form around a shared insight, interest, or taste, enjoying the common bond uniting them. I had never really thought about friendship being based on certain common ties. I have difficulty opening up to people I don't really know, and my habits and hobbies are often solitary pursuits. I wonder if that is a chicken-egg situation?
2. True friends accept one another, loving each other despite their human imperfections. I guess this is another area made more difficult by introversion. When I am afraid to put my true thoughts or self on display, how can I feel accepted?
3. True friends approve of one another, protecting each other's weaknesses while enhancing each other's strengths.
4. True friends appreciate one another, encouraging, serving, and believing in one another's gifts and talents.
5. True friends listen with empathy, learning the hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles of each other. What a gift that would be. I am trying to be a better listener, but I still have work to do in this area.
6. True friends celebrate one another's success, proud of each other's accomplishments without a hint of envy. I think I do enjoy hearing others' success stories without envy. The celebration comes with more difficulty for me. I'm just not good at celebrating. There always seems to be another responsibility riding the tail of success.
7. True friends are trustworthy, maintaining all confidences shared with unimpeachable honor and self-respect, knowing that gossip separates the best of friends. This week in my trauma homework, I have been reading about the need of a support network. Even professional counselors need a safe person to talk to when things start to get overwhelming. The less safe we feel, the more stress we carry and it takes a toll on our health and ability to continue. Maybe fewer people would need professional counseling if they had real friends.
8. True friends are loyal, respecting and defending one another's character, reputation, and motives, as far as truth allows, while addressing any issues or concerns between them promptly and privately, ensuring misunderstandings never fester. I would have to say that for individuals to be honest about their concerns and not worry that speaking truthfully would damage the relationship, they must be true friends. Because it takes a true friend to believe that painful words can be said with love and also that sometimes we bring up difficult conversations out of concern, not condemnation.
These ideas aren't earth-shattering, but it has been worthwhile for me to think about what beliefs I have that keep me from seeking and maintaining more true friendships. I have found that many relationships are formed of convenience and are quickly lost when situations change. I do like the first point made because it rings true with my experience. Those people who I feel share an understanding or appreciation of some aspect of my life feel safer for me to open up around. It is not until I open up and am still accepted and even appreciated that I feel a friendship has been started. The more obscure or even painful the shared experience is, the deeper that bond reaches because I know I am understood on a level that is based on my true self, not the image I show the world.
On another note, I am excited to report progress on my family life class outline. Right now I have 8 units planned, covering Addiction, Emotional Development, Adverse Childhood Experiences, Trauma, Resilience, Secondary Trauma, Post-traumatic Growth, and resources for help. I have had the opportunity to share some of this with several people I care about who are working through difficult situations and it seems to be helping them. I don't know whether my thoughts are unique in addressing the risk and protective factors associated with addictions, but it is a good summary of what I have learned and I am excited to put the information in a format that others can easily access.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Scoreboard
I wonder what the "Resolved" book would have turned into if it had been written by a woman instead of a man. The examples in the book seem to be pulled from business and sports, and there is no getting around "Scoreboard" as a chapter title almost turned me off on reading the chapter. However, it wasn't as bad as I feared. The scoreboard referred to is simply a way of defining whether you are on track with your goal, and getting feedback so that you can continually improve. (Whew! I was not willing to resolve to be more competitive in my work or relationships.)
For anyone who is still keeping track of my progress, This week I have spent very little time reading Life Leadership related books or listening to CDs. Instead, I have outlined an 8-part workshop on Addiction and Trauma (which is making considerable progress toward my goal). I suppose that is putting the scoreboard into action. In the long run, it doesn't really matter whether or not I read and listen to anything that has been assigned if I don't actually meet the goal of designing a program to teach as a class. In the process of acting, I have really been inspired in my research as I started to write ideas. I have a vision of making the info into a format that transitions well to online learning. This is part of the growth process of having a vision and working toward goals. In the process we also grow and learn new skills.
The other application of "scorecard" has to do with making sure that I have clearly defined goals for my program and a way to evaluate whether the goals are being met. I have had a lot of data in my head, and I enjoyed writing it into a structure, but until I tried to define clearly what I hoped to accomplish, I had no way to know whether the interesting data was relevant to my purpose of helping others. For anyone who has read this far, I apologize for the boring prose. These blogs aren't my preferred writing style, but they do serve the objective of getting me to write again and be accountable for the 90-day challenge I initiated.
Here is the good stuff:
Program title: "Binding Broken Hearts and Minds"
Description of the problem: "Despite widespread addictions in our society, there is little public awareness of underlying risks or protective factors related to addiction.
The goal of "Binding Broken Hearts" is to reduce stress and anxiety within families dealing with addiction through increased understanding of the nature and roots of addiction and skills to increase emotional resilience.
Program Goals:
1. Participants will be able to distinguish between addictions and bad habits.
2. Participants will understand the role of secure attachments on emotional development and self-regulation.
3. Participants will be able to describe types of trauma and how trauma may lead to addiction.
4. Participants will identify 5 resiliency factors that reduce susceptibility to addiction, including 3 that can be learned or acquired as adults.
I am excited to see this project move forward. Whatever my excuses about 90 day challenge might involve, I am grateful to see the results that have come from focused attention to a worthwhile goal.
For anyone who is still keeping track of my progress, This week I have spent very little time reading Life Leadership related books or listening to CDs. Instead, I have outlined an 8-part workshop on Addiction and Trauma (which is making considerable progress toward my goal). I suppose that is putting the scoreboard into action. In the long run, it doesn't really matter whether or not I read and listen to anything that has been assigned if I don't actually meet the goal of designing a program to teach as a class. In the process of acting, I have really been inspired in my research as I started to write ideas. I have a vision of making the info into a format that transitions well to online learning. This is part of the growth process of having a vision and working toward goals. In the process we also grow and learn new skills.
The other application of "scorecard" has to do with making sure that I have clearly defined goals for my program and a way to evaluate whether the goals are being met. I have had a lot of data in my head, and I enjoyed writing it into a structure, but until I tried to define clearly what I hoped to accomplish, I had no way to know whether the interesting data was relevant to my purpose of helping others. For anyone who has read this far, I apologize for the boring prose. These blogs aren't my preferred writing style, but they do serve the objective of getting me to write again and be accountable for the 90-day challenge I initiated.
Here is the good stuff:
Program title: "Binding Broken Hearts and Minds"
Description of the problem: "Despite widespread addictions in our society, there is little public awareness of underlying risks or protective factors related to addiction.
The goal of "Binding Broken Hearts" is to reduce stress and anxiety within families dealing with addiction through increased understanding of the nature and roots of addiction and skills to increase emotional resilience.
Program Goals:
1. Participants will be able to distinguish between addictions and bad habits.
2. Participants will understand the role of secure attachments on emotional development and self-regulation.
3. Participants will be able to describe types of trauma and how trauma may lead to addiction.
4. Participants will identify 5 resiliency factors that reduce susceptibility to addiction, including 3 that can be learned or acquired as adults.
I am excited to see this project move forward. Whatever my excuses about 90 day challenge might involve, I am grateful to see the results that have come from focused attention to a worthwhile goal.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Plan & Do
Okay, for anyone who has been following this 90-day process, I've been slacking off. At least as far as the listen to two CDs daily. I have actually been watching a variety of videos each day (kind of a YouTube conference). The topics have been related more to a variety of services that people offer to help (me or someone else) get on track to have a better life,related to fitness, forgiveness, fun, etc. Most of these sounded interesting enough when I signed up, but have done very little to help me focus on achieving my Family Life Educator goal. This is partly why I haven't been reporting progress daily - by the time I've watched an hour of some workshop, I don't have enough time to listen to CDs also. (Excuses are done.)
Back on topic, this week is called "Plan and Do". My understanding of how this differs from vision is that vision is the idea of wanting to accomplish something. However, dreaming is not enough. In order to get better at anything, you have to start taking steps. The "plan" part is to decide to act in a way that will stretch you. If it takes 10,000 hours of work before becoming an expert, those 10,000 hours cannot just be a repetition of the same thing over and over. Our abilities only improve when we are willing to try new things, discover what needs improvement, and try again.
My hours of watching videos might relate to this process. One of the possibilities I have for teaching family life skills is to create workshops on specific topics of interest to present either live or on camera. Through watching a dozen different presenters over the last two weeks, I have thought about the need to outline content clearly, to decide whether or not to use visual aids (like a white board), what types of outfits and backgrounds aid or distract from the message, and whether recording a live lecture brings more interest than someone recording for just the camera. In order to move this research into practice, I need to act on what I have observed and try it myself.
"Plan and Do" includes the assumption that not all efforts will be successful. If I am truly inspired in my effort to teach, I have to be willing to try things that are out of my comfort zone, and be willing to make mistakes. (That's the part that makes me nervous.)
I hope by next week I can report something that I have done. Let's say...I will make an outline of my subject matter. Its time to start progressing on my "work in progress".
Back on topic, this week is called "Plan and Do". My understanding of how this differs from vision is that vision is the idea of wanting to accomplish something. However, dreaming is not enough. In order to get better at anything, you have to start taking steps. The "plan" part is to decide to act in a way that will stretch you. If it takes 10,000 hours of work before becoming an expert, those 10,000 hours cannot just be a repetition of the same thing over and over. Our abilities only improve when we are willing to try new things, discover what needs improvement, and try again.
My hours of watching videos might relate to this process. One of the possibilities I have for teaching family life skills is to create workshops on specific topics of interest to present either live or on camera. Through watching a dozen different presenters over the last two weeks, I have thought about the need to outline content clearly, to decide whether or not to use visual aids (like a white board), what types of outfits and backgrounds aid or distract from the message, and whether recording a live lecture brings more interest than someone recording for just the camera. In order to move this research into practice, I need to act on what I have observed and try it myself.
"Plan and Do" includes the assumption that not all efforts will be successful. If I am truly inspired in my effort to teach, I have to be willing to try things that are out of my comfort zone, and be willing to make mistakes. (That's the part that makes me nervous.)
I hope by next week I can report something that I have done. Let's say...I will make an outline of my subject matter. Its time to start progressing on my "work in progress".
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Vision
Last week I touched on "vision" with my notes on attitude, so I'm not sure how much more I will say on the topic. Maybe this, while I don't feel it is my place to impose my vision over what God has in mind for my life, I do feel the need to seek God's direction to discover my role in mortality and then use this knowledge as the vision to shape my goals.
The power of this kind of vision was illustrated for me today. Jared was sharing what he had learned while he was at church today, and mentioned wanting to look up the reasons why the "sons of Mosiah" went on a mission to the Lamanites. Here is what he found:
Without a clear vision of what we are doing and possibly why it is important, enduring through difficulties doesn't make much sense.
I think what I am describing here is also what I would refer to as "Faith". In the Sixth Lecture on Faith, I read this:
The power of this kind of vision was illustrated for me today. Jared was sharing what he had learned while he was at church today, and mentioned wanting to look up the reasons why the "sons of Mosiah" went on a mission to the Lamanites. Here is what he found:
"That perhaps they might bring them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and convince them of the iniquity of their fathers; and that perhaps they might cure them of their hatred towards the Nephites, that they might also be brought to rejoice in the Lord their God, that they might be friendly to one another, and that there should be no more contentions in all the land which the Lord their God had given them." (Alma 28:2)That vision sounds a lot like "peace on Earth, goodwill toward men." No wonder they were willing to submit to so much affliction-- there was a lot at stake!
Without a clear vision of what we are doing and possibly why it is important, enduring through difficulties doesn't make much sense.
I think what I am describing here is also what I would refer to as "Faith". In the Sixth Lecture on Faith, I read this:
"...we next proceed to treat of the knowledge which persons must have, that the course of life which they pursue is according to the will of God, in order that they may be enabled to exercise faith in him unto life and salvation.
...An actual knowledge to any person that the course of life which he pursues is according to the will of God, is essentially necessary to enable him to have that confidence in God, without which no person can obtain eternal life. It was this that enabled the ancient saints to endure all their afflictions and persecutions, and to take joyfully the spoiling of their goods, knowing, (not believing merely,) that they had a more enduring substance
...Such was and always will be the situation of the saints of God, that unless they have an actual knowledge that the course that they are pursuing is according to the will of God, they will grow weary in their minds and faint..."Now, back to my 90-day Challenge update (for anyone who is following along), this week I missed a couple days of sending progress. Part of my daily checklist is to read related books, listen to CDs, and watch a video clip. By the time Friday and Saturday came, I just got involved with other family projects. My reading and watching were not directly related to the challenge, and I didn't prioritize setting up the laptop where I could listen while I worked on other things. I guess it is kind of like the vision thing I started talking about. If I am not sure that the activities scheduled are really going to get me to my goal, it is much easier to miss them occasionally. Right now I feel like the assigned materials are geared toward sales, and that isn't where my passion lies. Still, I plan to continue, looking toward the end goal of teaching a class by the end of March.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Attitude
This week's resolution is "to have a positive attitude in all situations". Based an my initial assessment, this is something I need to work on. Based on my reading, this is something I need to work on. The problem I have is that depending on how you frame "positive attitude", I'm not sure I really want to change.
Much of the reading I have done describes this positive attitude as some kind of "fake it 'til you make it" psychology. It involves envisioning yet-to-be accomplished goals, achieved possessions, and lifestyle options; or approaching each prospective sales call as if the sale is already made. I remember some skit from long ago when a person would stare in the mirror each morning and say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." This is not the direction I want to take with achieving my life's purpose.
When I first started looking into the materials for the Life Leadership business, I saw a lot of references to envisioning the life you want to live, making visual reminders of your dream car, house, vacation, and lifestyle. Each day, there was to be time spent connecting with that dream to stay focused and do the work necessary to make it happen. I was a little uncomfortable with the focus on material things, and the methods were more about "my will" than "thy will be done". This concern was pounded home when I picked up a book from a friend called "Isaiah Decoded" and immediately started reading about the sin of IDOLATRY. I don't know what else to call it. Even Alma warned about setting our hearts on a course that might be well-intentioned, but uninspired.
Having put my concerns first, I will say that I agree with the need to improve my attitude in all situations. This is not about positive affirmations so much as identifying my thought patterns better. Some of the things I have been reading and watching recently put a focus on awareness of my thought patterns. What are my thoughts saying as they comment to me about myself and others? Do I expect to be disappointed or to disappoint others when completing tasks? Do I attribute positive or negative motives to the things people do that might cause me inconvenience or even harm? When I am faced with a task I haven't chosen freely, do I decide to get the most out of it, or mentally grumble at the effort required?
I have started being able to laugh at some of the crazy things life throws at me and just call them "journal moments". I have found that some of the hardest things I have faced in life have given me greater compassion and maturity, so I have learned to start looking for the blessings in trials. I like being able to turn the negative channel in my thinking to "off". I've heard there is nothing in this life so bad that complaining about it won't make it worse. In all of these areas I see room for personal improvement.
Being alive is a blessing. I love my life. However, it is hard sometimes. I have heard that God will not give us one minute more pain than is necessary for the development we need to become like him. For me, having a positive attitude means recognizing there is a purpose to what I experience in life. If I remember to let God accompany me on my journey, he can share the ups and downs, he can point out blessings along the way. It is pointless for me to blame others for my grief and suffering if God has allowed me a particular experience. A positive attitude tells me "this too shall pass."
Much of the reading I have done describes this positive attitude as some kind of "fake it 'til you make it" psychology. It involves envisioning yet-to-be accomplished goals, achieved possessions, and lifestyle options; or approaching each prospective sales call as if the sale is already made. I remember some skit from long ago when a person would stare in the mirror each morning and say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." This is not the direction I want to take with achieving my life's purpose.
When I first started looking into the materials for the Life Leadership business, I saw a lot of references to envisioning the life you want to live, making visual reminders of your dream car, house, vacation, and lifestyle. Each day, there was to be time spent connecting with that dream to stay focused and do the work necessary to make it happen. I was a little uncomfortable with the focus on material things, and the methods were more about "my will" than "thy will be done". This concern was pounded home when I picked up a book from a friend called "Isaiah Decoded" and immediately started reading about the sin of IDOLATRY. I don't know what else to call it. Even Alma warned about setting our hearts on a course that might be well-intentioned, but uninspired.
O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. (Alma 29:1-2)What could possibly be wrong with a desire like this? Peace on Earth, missionary work, bringing souls unto Christ. And yet he continues:
But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.
I ought not to harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction.(Alma 29:3-4)
Now, seeing that I know these things, why should I desire more than to perform the work to which I have been called? (Alma 29:6)The other concern I have with solely focusing on the positive is that there are usually real concerns that ought to be recognized so they can be planned for and worked with. I think it was the book "Quiet" that talked about introverts and extroverts. (I might be wrong about the source of this idea, but its a good book anyway.) There is a certain portion of any population that approaches life differently, that eats and sleeps with its senses alert for possible danger. These "pessimists" provide an early warning when danger approaches - at the risk of a false alarm. They recognize risk and try to mitigate it, or avoid it. However, they pay a price in not being first to the scene of opportunity.
Having put my concerns first, I will say that I agree with the need to improve my attitude in all situations. This is not about positive affirmations so much as identifying my thought patterns better. Some of the things I have been reading and watching recently put a focus on awareness of my thought patterns. What are my thoughts saying as they comment to me about myself and others? Do I expect to be disappointed or to disappoint others when completing tasks? Do I attribute positive or negative motives to the things people do that might cause me inconvenience or even harm? When I am faced with a task I haven't chosen freely, do I decide to get the most out of it, or mentally grumble at the effort required?
I have started being able to laugh at some of the crazy things life throws at me and just call them "journal moments". I have found that some of the hardest things I have faced in life have given me greater compassion and maturity, so I have learned to start looking for the blessings in trials. I like being able to turn the negative channel in my thinking to "off". I've heard there is nothing in this life so bad that complaining about it won't make it worse. In all of these areas I see room for personal improvement.
Being alive is a blessing. I love my life. However, it is hard sometimes. I have heard that God will not give us one minute more pain than is necessary for the development we need to become like him. For me, having a positive attitude means recognizing there is a purpose to what I experience in life. If I remember to let God accompany me on my journey, he can share the ups and downs, he can point out blessings along the way. It is pointless for me to blame others for my grief and suffering if God has allowed me a particular experience. A positive attitude tells me "this too shall pass."
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Character
This week the focus of my 90 day challenge is "Character: Resolved to Choose Character over Reputation Any Time They Conflict". I've had a lot to ponder on this topic, and I'm not sure whether it will translate well into words yet.
The "Resolved" book defines integrity as "not doing wrong". A person who never lies, never cheats, and never steals could be said to have integrity, and the world would certainly be a much better place if everyone would live by this simple code of honor. However, it says character goes a step farther, it requires the courage to do what is right. A person with character will not sit idle when others are acting wrongly. Character requires courage to speak or act for what is right even when it may create conflict with others. Here is a quote from the book:
"Character demands courageous actions, and courage is the virtue most lacking in today's culture. Most people would rather have peace and affluence, minding their own business, than stand against oppression, especially if the oppression is not directed at them." (p. 55)
I'm going to be completely vulnerable here. I love reading about people with character. Their courageous examples are powerful forces of good in the world. (Think of Gandhi, George Washington, Martin Luther, and his namesake Martin Luther King Jr. as a few examples.) However, I find it extremely difficult to get out of my comfort/safety zone and do more than just read - to actually do good things in the world. "Courage is a person's choice to get involved in defending his highest principles, even when his own personal interest isn't what is at stake." (Resolved, p.56) These don't even have to be anything newsworthy. I could visit my elderly neighbors, I could get off the computer and read books with my kids (that's more my speed), I could identify local issues and get involved in trying to find solutions instead of sitting around complaining.
To be fair, here are some of the areas where I have found myself taking a stand on unpopular issues. 1) this (school) year I addressed the school board about home school student issues that were not handled well; 2) I have tried to advocate in favor of thinking of Muslims as people like ourselves when I hear derogatory stereotypes from people I am talking with; and 3) I went to visit people we knew after hearing of their excommunication. As a result we have become better friends, benefiting both families.
Another area of my life where I see the need for greater courage is in getting my Family Life Education hours by getting out into the community and teaching. I have a lot of book knowledge, and a fair amount of personal experience, but I have a hard time putting my services out to a public setting where I might be criticized or upset people by telling them things that contradict their current beliefs.
Whether I call it courage or character, acting according to my principles, regardless of the opinion of others is an area of my life where I would like to improve.this year. As long as I am easily swayed or kept silent by my fears, I cannot be a reliable tool in God's hands to bless his children and become what He intends me to become.
____________________________________________________________
Updated Jan 11, 2016
I used the definitions of integrity and character that were given in the book "Resolved" without feeling totally settled about my agreement with the definitions.
This morning I was reading "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen M. R. Covey. My personal definitions are closer to those explained in the chapter about Self-Trust, Core #1-Integrity. While I haven't finished the book yet, i would recommend it to anyone who has some time and is interested in book to spark new ideas for personal growth.
The "Resolved" book defines integrity as "not doing wrong". A person who never lies, never cheats, and never steals could be said to have integrity, and the world would certainly be a much better place if everyone would live by this simple code of honor. However, it says character goes a step farther, it requires the courage to do what is right. A person with character will not sit idle when others are acting wrongly. Character requires courage to speak or act for what is right even when it may create conflict with others. Here is a quote from the book:
"Character demands courageous actions, and courage is the virtue most lacking in today's culture. Most people would rather have peace and affluence, minding their own business, than stand against oppression, especially if the oppression is not directed at them." (p. 55)
I'm going to be completely vulnerable here. I love reading about people with character. Their courageous examples are powerful forces of good in the world. (Think of Gandhi, George Washington, Martin Luther, and his namesake Martin Luther King Jr. as a few examples.) However, I find it extremely difficult to get out of my comfort/safety zone and do more than just read - to actually do good things in the world. "Courage is a person's choice to get involved in defending his highest principles, even when his own personal interest isn't what is at stake." (Resolved, p.56) These don't even have to be anything newsworthy. I could visit my elderly neighbors, I could get off the computer and read books with my kids (that's more my speed), I could identify local issues and get involved in trying to find solutions instead of sitting around complaining.
To be fair, here are some of the areas where I have found myself taking a stand on unpopular issues. 1) this (school) year I addressed the school board about home school student issues that were not handled well; 2) I have tried to advocate in favor of thinking of Muslims as people like ourselves when I hear derogatory stereotypes from people I am talking with; and 3) I went to visit people we knew after hearing of their excommunication. As a result we have become better friends, benefiting both families.
Another area of my life where I see the need for greater courage is in getting my Family Life Education hours by getting out into the community and teaching. I have a lot of book knowledge, and a fair amount of personal experience, but I have a hard time putting my services out to a public setting where I might be criticized or upset people by telling them things that contradict their current beliefs.
Whether I call it courage or character, acting according to my principles, regardless of the opinion of others is an area of my life where I would like to improve.this year. As long as I am easily swayed or kept silent by my fears, I cannot be a reliable tool in God's hands to bless his children and become what He intends me to become.
____________________________________________________________
Updated Jan 11, 2016
I used the definitions of integrity and character that were given in the book "Resolved" without feeling totally settled about my agreement with the definitions.
This morning I was reading "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen M. R. Covey. My personal definitions are closer to those explained in the chapter about Self-Trust, Core #1-Integrity. While I haven't finished the book yet, i would recommend it to anyone who has some time and is interested in book to spark new ideas for personal growth.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Resolved...
This post is called "Resolved" because it seems to tie together several themes, and I really don't know how else to begin blogging again other than to just start writing and see what happens.
Theme #1: New Year Resolutions. January is a time when most people think about goals and self improvement. Since I am in the middle of some self-improvement projects, this seems a good time to put them on paper to see where I am going and how I plan to get there.
Last summer I started looking at options for continuing education and updating my resume. I spent the summer studying for a Family Life Educator certificate, and passed the exam. Now I have 5 years to get some work hours so I can upgrade my status from provisional to fully certified. I don't really have any intention to find full or even part time employment. Part of my motivation was realizing that even with a Master's degree, I am so far out of the employment loop that I would be hard-pressed to use my skills professionally if something ever kept Daniel from being our family's financial provider. The other part of my motivation was the feeling that my education has primarily blessed me in negotiating difficult family situations, but I am not really in a place where my education is used to help anyone else. I spend most of my time at home with my kids. If I really want to serve, I need to create opportunities that put me in a wider context, otherwise the light (of truth and experience) is hiding under my proverbial basket.
Theme #2: Resolved (the book). I started reading a book last week called "Resolved", it is part of a much longer story. I recently became involved with a leadership organization group/business that a friend is working in. As I previously mentioned, I don't really want to get a job, but I do like knowing all about things that interest me. My friend has been telling me about the personal growth she and her husband have seen in their lives and business and how they would sometime like to replace their current employment situation with what they are now doing part time. Since I know people who are struggling financially and in their personal lives, I thought it would be good to know more about what their business involves so I could make recommendations if I met someone looking for those types of improvement.
Since then, I have been reading and listening to tapes borrowed from my friend on a nearly constant basis. The areas of self-improvement overlap my family-life background (personal finance, marriage, parenting, etc,), so I wanted to know whether their material would be something I could feel good recommending. I have gone over the Financial Fitness information and am slowly working to apply what I have read in my own budget. Next, I started the Mental Fitness Challenge. The point of this program is to focus on personal development in specific areas of my life, starting first with personal achievements and eventually learning how to be a leader in more public arenas (such as my Family Life Education). Each day I read, listen, and do something directed toward accomplishing the goal I have selected. I have partners that are notified when I meet my daily goals. "Resolved" is the first book, and the first week is focused on helping me discover my purpose, something that inspires me to help others and is centered on my specific talents and interests. The first chapter sparked me to read "A Purpose Driven Life" and "Man's Search for Meaning". (This wasn't assigned reading, I just like to read and happened to have the books on my shelf.)
The challenge lasts for 90 days and covers 13 different resolutions, one per week. By the end of the challenge, I hope to have strengthened some of the areas I am weak in, and to be better at applying my unique strengths in overcoming challenges and meeting personal goals.
Theme #1: New Year Resolutions. January is a time when most people think about goals and self improvement. Since I am in the middle of some self-improvement projects, this seems a good time to put them on paper to see where I am going and how I plan to get there.
Last summer I started looking at options for continuing education and updating my resume. I spent the summer studying for a Family Life Educator certificate, and passed the exam. Now I have 5 years to get some work hours so I can upgrade my status from provisional to fully certified. I don't really have any intention to find full or even part time employment. Part of my motivation was realizing that even with a Master's degree, I am so far out of the employment loop that I would be hard-pressed to use my skills professionally if something ever kept Daniel from being our family's financial provider. The other part of my motivation was the feeling that my education has primarily blessed me in negotiating difficult family situations, but I am not really in a place where my education is used to help anyone else. I spend most of my time at home with my kids. If I really want to serve, I need to create opportunities that put me in a wider context, otherwise the light (of truth and experience) is hiding under my proverbial basket.
Theme #2: Resolved (the book). I started reading a book last week called "Resolved", it is part of a much longer story. I recently became involved with a leadership organization group/business that a friend is working in. As I previously mentioned, I don't really want to get a job, but I do like knowing all about things that interest me. My friend has been telling me about the personal growth she and her husband have seen in their lives and business and how they would sometime like to replace their current employment situation with what they are now doing part time. Since I know people who are struggling financially and in their personal lives, I thought it would be good to know more about what their business involves so I could make recommendations if I met someone looking for those types of improvement.
Since then, I have been reading and listening to tapes borrowed from my friend on a nearly constant basis. The areas of self-improvement overlap my family-life background (personal finance, marriage, parenting, etc,), so I wanted to know whether their material would be something I could feel good recommending. I have gone over the Financial Fitness information and am slowly working to apply what I have read in my own budget. Next, I started the Mental Fitness Challenge. The point of this program is to focus on personal development in specific areas of my life, starting first with personal achievements and eventually learning how to be a leader in more public arenas (such as my Family Life Education). Each day I read, listen, and do something directed toward accomplishing the goal I have selected. I have partners that are notified when I meet my daily goals. "Resolved" is the first book, and the first week is focused on helping me discover my purpose, something that inspires me to help others and is centered on my specific talents and interests. The first chapter sparked me to read "A Purpose Driven Life" and "Man's Search for Meaning". (This wasn't assigned reading, I just like to read and happened to have the books on my shelf.)
The challenge lasts for 90 days and covers 13 different resolutions, one per week. By the end of the challenge, I hope to have strengthened some of the areas I am weak in, and to be better at applying my unique strengths in overcoming challenges and meeting personal goals.
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